life's like this

2005-04-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

jus came to say i'm back from spore....i knw alot of ppl nv see me....haha but sorry la....was kinda packed...oh ya jus wanna tell u guys dat at fort canning park dere dis country club rite...dere's dis restaurant inside....or rather cafe la...dat has someth called fondue...pronunced f-on-de-ew but 2 syllabus onlyk...fon-due...ya its lyk cut up fruits den got a small bowl of melted chocolate...n u dip the fruits in the chocolate n eat...$12 one set i tink....muz try..damn good...haha go empty stomached ah...k ya nth much to say....sighs nv really play enuf back dere....but anyways....take care ya

2005-03-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

yeah tml's the last day of school...which means i'm goin back to spore on sat...haha so fast....feels lyk yday whn i went back for chinese new yr....hmm so much hmwk dis holiday....so much english....lyk wad the hell...i havent seen so much english hmwk in my life!!...looks lyk i cant really enjoy my hols anymore...sigh....but i still will go rock town in spore anyway....haha wif ww n yf...hope to see as many ppl as possible dis time....schedule kinda packed....haha muz book appoinment one....bleahx...haha jus kidding la...jus ring me la...my number hasnt changed....

today had maths test...no time to finish it....missed out lyk 10 marks i tink....the paper's over 75 la...so basically i'm screwed....dere goes....haha now can only hope for 55% plus plus a little bit more....not sure if i got dat 5mark qns correct...aarrgghh!!....forget it la....its over anyway....den after maths had drama recording....it was ok la...haha except for a bit of messing up here n dere....but i tink we did alot beta la....hehe...so dats of cos good la...anyways...hmmx looks lyk nth else....guess i'll see u guys in a few days....haha take care ya all....

2005-03-19T15:30:00.000-08:00

haha long time since i blogged...dun tink many ppl come here to read anyway....all tot i nv use this one liao...hmmx damn lotta hmwk dis weekend...sigh...got maths test next week n i dunno anyth...not dunno la but kinda forgot liao...did all those stuff so damn long ago....anyway my tuition teacher din come again...he only wants to teach if i want 3hrs...crazy...will die one ok....dont come oso nvm...lyk i care lidat....haix actaully i do la...fail my progress test sure die one....but i dun blif i cant study on my own...huh!!...anyways....was suppose to go out wif naina today go buy russ bday present...but her mum wun let her out...sigh...looks lyk we hafta hope for tml den...dunno wad to buy for him....izznt it a bit wierd for me to jsu buy for him lidat??...cos its not really a very common ting for gals to buy presents for guys in my sch....haha dunno y...its not even a common ting dat u get lotsa presents on ur bday....wierd rite...haha but anyway....ya dunno wad to buy....pencil case mayb?...he badly needs one....sigh dunno la....see first....

hmmx i'm goin back on the 26th le...ya comfirmed....yea.....haha can see everyone again...miss yf n ww sia...haix those 2 are oways not online...even during the hols...busy goin out wif bfs la....tsk tsk muz be...4got abt me le....sigh....wan to tok to dem la....but dun even know where dey hav gone....oh well....i'm goin back soon anyway....dey beta make time for me or i'll wack dem man...haha....

2005-03-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

jus came back from npng sports centre,,,like no pain no gain...haha seriously dats the name of the sports centre...forbissea was held dere...smth lyk zone games we have la....but its where all international schools go to 1 country n play...jus so happened dat its here dis yr...well the gals got 7th place....guys got 4th...sigh damn wasted...the guys cld hav fought for 1st placing if it wasnt for alice smith...losers...well its over...stayed to abt 6plus dere man...mum almost killed me...got a dinner at the hilton tml nite...have to wear really nice but i've got nth to wear la....hafta to go get smth....sianx...so boring...oh well....miss home...going back soon...on the 27th i guess....see ya guys den....

2005-03-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

so tired today....my eyes jus feel lyk shutting down any moment...but i stil wanna blog...hehe...today had basketball for PE...damn fun...haha at least i hav smth to look forward to every thursday of the week....played game called knock out...lyk start wif 20 ppl den 2 shooty first...the one who scores faster wil get to stay la...den the other gets "knocked out"....den slowly cut down all the ppl...haha i won!!!...beat all the guys!!...bleahx...gals can play bball too k...guys in my sch jus tink dat gals cant play bball or even shoot well... =P =P =P ....haha ok anyway tml we hav a frenly match wif MKIS...at least i get to play la...at first ms cope wont let me go cos i'm over aged....but cos dey hav a lack of players den i get to go...hehe...so we're kinda lyk gonna mix our players around den play 3 on 3 or 4 on 4 la.....hope i can play well...muz fight back for the scores i missed the last time wif alice smith....oh alice smith n MKIS r some other international schs in msia in case u all dunno wad the hell i'm tokin abt....hehe....

sigh my digi cam battery cover wont open k....its stuck or smth den i cant put new batts in which means i cant use it....freak...i was plannin to take pics of the gals n guys after the matches....but looks lyk its not very possible...i hafta get to the technician at konica main branch or smth....which is damn far away frm my hse....so forget it....

called yf jus now...caught up wif some tings wif her...haix...dunno wad she up to sia...patch wif alex again...dey hav been brkin n patchin for lyk so many times...actually not alot la but seems lyk alot...haha...anyway they're jus on n off...other ppl hav been hurt as a result too...sigh...hope no one else gets hurt again...hope dey 2 will last long long ah....all the best dahlings!!!

2005-03-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

sorry for not updating for so long...haha my modem got cocked up after i came back from spore....n my dad kept forgettin to call the technician to fix it for me...well anyway...not many tings hav happened...life's still the same...passed my bday last week...oh my god i'm 16 now...so old rite...mayb not to u guys but in my sch now den i'm damn old....haha...kenneth kept callin me po po...idiot...haha...well turning 16 wasn't as happy as i imagined it to be...more responsibilities n stuff...canot be like last time sooo noti???...haha... its no longer the "do anyth i want, hook any guy i want" kinda days anymore...hehe....oh well...i guess everyone grows up....sooner or later....

hmmx me n ruiyang r over...or mayb we nv started....basically we jus stopped smsing or calling each other....but dat happened lyk last mth...abt 12th feb lidat ah...oh well...u knw wad???...i dun giv a damn...no idea wads got into me but i jus hav the "wadeva.......dun giv a shit abt it..."....at 1st i was sad...cos he told ppl i was a bitch n all dat...obviously he's a bastard...but after i came back form spore rite...den he wanted to lyk talk to me again...n start hanging out wif me again after he dumped me aside for some time....felt lyk i was some kinda doormat for him or smth...but anyway...after he started to wanna get me back...i shoved him aside...not exactly...but lyk ignored him n treated him lyk the way he used to treat me....i really had no idea y the hell i did that....but i jus did....haha....in my mind i was lyk tinking...hey i dun lyk him anymore...y shld i be nice to him after the way he dumped me aside huh?!?!?....for the 1st time in my life i had such thoughts....haha...n i'm kinda proud dat i did that....cos for once in my life i stood up for myslf infrnt of guys who hurt me....

hey hey....mad aint the same anymore!!!....haha...well i guess i changed alot after wad happened last yr....not changed to be stronger...but changed to be alot more cold hearted....i reckon its a good ting la...i wun say its bad....cos its not lyk i'm gonna do bad tings n stuff....jus dat i wun allow myslf to be hurt again.....i tink some guy really needs to spend 200% effort if he wants to hav dat cold heart of mine...haha...but i doubt anyone would wan it anyway....k la stop here...need to do work...take care guys....

2005-01-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

its tuesday....no school today...city day or smth lidat...i dunno wad its abt too...anyway only 5more days b4 i'm goin home!!!!....haha home as in spore la...damn miss all of u...i tink on 7th feb i goin back to school ah...join u all for lessons den laugh at u all stressing out...haha bleahx....no la...i'm not dat mean ok...jus join u all so i can chat wif u guys in class...at least i not so bored...

hmmx last nite ruiyang call me...ask me if wed i going to watch their match...its a game between his sch (tropicana) and pangmeng's sch(bandar utama1)....n he wants me to ref the game together wif ah bu(dis malay guy)....n den i was like wad??...cos i damn long nv ref liao n scared later dey tink i biased jus cos me n ry are kinda lyk a pair...well i wont be biased ok...bcos its pangmeng's sch their playing against n i dun wanna be unfair to him cos pangmeng is a damn nice guy hu's a great fren...oways help ppl whn they're in trouble de....ya so i comfirm wun be biased...got yinling help me oso...not so bad lor...haix...oh ya n ruiyang made me swear dat i wun be biased...haha surprised he asked me to do that...cos i was lyk expecting him to tell me cheat a bit...bleahx...haha....

ok anyway yday russ came back to sch...ya he was really sick...i tot he kinda feigned it or smth...but look like its not...haha...ashman was missing too...went to england for dunno wad...haha...rich ppl is lidat...wanna fly where den fly where...school can oso dun go...haix jealous sia...hmm dat last nite chattin wif kenneth n yeshan...dey r so damn loving lor...its hard to see a couple together for 1yr liao but stil so obsessed over each other...haha...jealous again....when will i ever have a relationship like theirs???....dun tink beta...tink more than will slower come...haha...k la stop here...hope to see u all soon...

2005-01-28T01:37:00.000-08:00

oh god lyk finally i can use the damn internet...freakin telekom dat took so bloody long to activate it for me...wad the hell ok...alrite i shant complain abt it...haha did u guys miss meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee??????...well of cos u did....i bet all of u cld not sleep w/o hearing from me...haha...i knew it!!!...see i knew it!!...ohhh but dun worry....cos i'm....BACK!!!...haha ok sorry was a bit crazy jus now...i missed all of u so much...lyk u hav no idea how much i missed all of u ok...sob sob...but i'll be home soon anyway....haha so i'll be seeing all of ur faces n perhaps kiss them regardless of how oily it is...JUS KIDDING LAH!!!....u guys tink i;m really screwed up or wad???!!!.....no i am not screwed loose n i dun need anyone to screw me back tight....oops did i jus say dat out??...haha i mean ok i did TYPE dat out....well anyway....i'm ok here...life is good...ppl are good...frens are cool...sch is fun...yup u've got dat...SCHOOL IS FUN!!!...i knw u ppl r not gonna blif me but i'll say it anyway...yup sch is fun in garden international school kualar lumpur....

hmmx i knw alot of sporeans hav a very negative impression of msia rite...ya dey say its dirty n ppl dere suck lyk hell...life basically is hell here....but helloooo???....u wil not know life here if u hav not lived here!!!.....its so diff frm wad ppl describe it as....n u know wad...not dat i wanna look down on my own country or wadeva but after u've stayed here.....spore is jus nothing....even shopping centres here are so much beta than orchard road....ok the one next to my hse is already much better than orchard itself....hmmx seriously life here is full of vareity so its kinda lyk they hav quality n quantity of everyth....i knw dat wadeva i say now u ppl r not gonna blif me n obviously u guys wil tink i'm jus bragging n all dat shit....ok wadeva but really la...come live here for one mth den decide...really depends on where u live n hu u mix wif....haix...miss home alot tho...damn miss my frens...after all i grew up dere wad....so home's stil the best...altho dere's more shopping n fun ppl here....hahaha

ya tokin abt frens ah....i damn miss yf n ww sia...haix sisters for so long le den now cum here n i dun hav exactly a close fren yet...mayb it takes time....haix....but i hav a group of frens hu really rock...haha we can talk abt anyth in the school man....well we dun hav hunks arnd but we hav many dudes dat r suuuuuuper cute....haha....come visit me leh...den u all can tour my sch n hav lessons wif me...haha....den can see cute guys...wanwin's favourite...haha i knew it!!!...see i knew it!!!......hmmx apart frm sch i've got frens i play bball wif jus outside my hse....dey r ok...well quite a few frens...hmmx got dis guy....erm ppl tink he's cute but he's ok to me...erm call ruiyang...ya damn tall.....me until his shoulder only...wad the hell rite...haha....ya mayb he's coming back wif me for cny...mayb only...erm i tink u guys can guess who he is to me rite...haha well not stead la budden not frens too....hmmx dun tink i wanna stead wif him yet....cos 16yrs old liaox...canot anyhow wan stead den stead....haha...gotta know him much more first....

alrite tink i'll stop here first....another day den blog ba...wait till i got more stuff...haha...miss ya guys...muackx

2004-12-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

oh my god...FINALLY can update my blog liao...i'm soooo sorry ppl...i noe i damn long nv update le...haha sorry sorry sorry....cos my com got spoilt den nv repair properly...i noe alot of u tink i go msia le rite...hahaha...no la...i'm stil in spore ok...but i'm leaving veh soon le...n probably wun be able to update for another month...haha sorry but really cant help it...gotta get my com dere set up first....ok anyway i'm having my farewell chalet next tues...ok pls take note...ALL ARE WELCOME...haha pls cum ok...if not no chance see u ppl ler...its at COSTA SANDS RESORT (PASIR RIS) 14 DEC ...i told evryone else to meet at 5PM OUTSIDE ESCAPE THEME PARK...cos deres basically where my chalet is near...everyone muz come okok...i beta see ur faces ok??!!...haha no la joking...i mean lyk if can pls cum...thanx...if 14th canot make it stil got 15th dec but dat nite no bbq...haha ok...

hmmx mayb u all wanna noe wads been goin on in my life lately...well nth much...i'm stil alone...yupx...single i mean...hmm no particular guys cuming into my life...nvm dun wanna tok abt it...these few days hav been packing my hse...all my books n clothes n stuff etc...got quite alot de leh...myslf got 6 boxes liao...haha alot rite...n its big boxes...n while i was clearing i found many tings dat brought bac alot of memories...erm lets say photos dat i tot was lost a thousand yrs ago??...haha...n erm little presents lor...oh ya n lotsa get well letters frm my dear classmates of 3E7...haha dey write for me whn i was in hospital de...so sweet horx...hehe thanx!!...hmmx den i came across this piece of stone...haix...is we at sentosa dat time he swim over to next island take back for me de...haix lots of memories sia...nvm forget it...

ok anyway...evryone please take care ok...mayb wun see some of u le...but i'll try to keep in contact wif u ppl...thanx for being part of my life...haha

2004-10-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

ok my com stil not repaired yet...den i now stayin at my cousin hse...so using her com...ok wads been goin on dese few days...dat day went to chalet...den alex de classmates oso got chalte at same place...but many of den came over to alex de chalet oso...den got to know alot of 4faith den ppl...hmmx ya...den erm met alvin...he..haix dunno wad to say la...i tink he kinda angry wif me now...cos i tel him i dun wannna start a relationship...haix nvm...dowan be bothered by dese tings...den having tuition soon...walau sianx...oh ya i wanna work oso...mayb go work cafe cartel wif qw at ps...well he say he help me ask whether i can go anot...cos muzt at least 16 wad...but me 15 half le..so see can sui bian a bit anot lor...well dat one nxt time den say la...

haix...now i tink alot of ppl noe wad happen dat day at chalet liaox...but alvin say he nv say out...but alot of ppl say is he tel dem one...den i lyk dunno wad to say...haix cos i dunno alvin well enuf...so dunno wan blif him anot...haix...but most impt is he kepp sayin he wun lie to me den wil be wif me all dat kinda stuff...haix oso no point...me goin over to msai anyway lor...start relationship oso no happy ending...dats y no matter hu i lyk now i oso dun tink wanna go stead ba...haix stil canot forget "him"...i noe he is wun come back liao...even if cum back le feeling is nv gonna be the same...while i trying to forget him...oso got a few guys coming into my life...but dese guys i noe even if start anyth oso no point lor...haiyo dunno how to explain la...anyway its a super confusing tingy correct le...nv wil i get it right...kk stop here la...

2004-10-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

ok great...my com kinda got some bloody virus den eat away my windows setup so now i cant operate my com...haix...den now at alex hse...dat bloody asshole...bluff me n yf into coming here...den later we suppose to chalet wad,...den he say wan marinate the chicken first den we go ourslf...damn him la...haix so anyway...here i am...den dey 2 love birds watching samurai x...haix sianx...ok anyway...for the past whole week me was stayin at my ah ma hse cos my mum go over to msia sign some documents for the new hse...alrite...den dat day went ice skating...skate until my leg damn pain lor...den spore idol was filming dre too...erm mia n leadra ah...den i tink we got caught on cam or smth...haha muz watch see got my face anot...den dat alex hor so bad...keep making my sis de frens fall down...haha den dey hate him so much...ok den after dat went to bbc den go home le...waah tiring day...

hmmx later de chalet dunno he wil go anot leh...yf say he got go...but haix...he oso got his class chalet wad...if he got go...me suppose to be veh happy rite...budden somehow me dun feel the joy...as in not i dowan him to go budden...jus feel pretty awkward den dunno wad to do....but if he dun go...i wil disappointed..haix so luan...oso dunno wad i wan...haven seen him for a long long time le...nv tok to him oso...haix veh miss the days whn we were kor n mei...den wejie oways pei us go out...den the 3 of us wld hav lotsa fun laughin n playin together...haix those days wil nv cum back le...really wish can have those days back...but is impossible one la...mayb even until me leave for msia oso wun happen...mayb 8yrs later whn i cum back spore den can happen ba...budden by dat time we each have own job liao...where wil lyk teenagers lidat play at town...haix...

how cum 8yrs ah...cos me go study 2yrs at garden international sch...den if results good den i wil study college in dat sch another 2 yrs...den me wanna go america study dietitics...did i spell correctly??...anyway its jus got smth to do wif nutrition n food la...haix but my mum lyk dowan let me go dere lidat...wan me go australia...hmm see how la...den mayb me wil cum back be dietitian in spore hospitals...a bit far rite...haha but dats roughly how i wanna plan my life la...so...obviously wun be back often for the nxt 8yrs lor....haix...ok la stop here...goin out le...

2004-10-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

hmmx quite a few days since i last updated...back le oso quite sianx la..cos everyday nth to do one leh...den eother rot at home or teach my sis do work..haiyo gonna kil me liaox...dat day went to alex hse wif yf...den dey 2 hor..slp leh...den i lyk idiot lidat wait for dem...walau...wait until i oso tired..hmmx den me go bishan de mac find boy boy n weijie dey all...mac corner ppl oso dere..den i giv dem their t shirts lor...hanwei dowan take his one...haix nvm..den ck n alex canot wear...walau dunno dey all is so fat one...haha i tot dey veh skinny...ok den alex at 1st is suppose to fetch yf home one..den he after dat came to mac..den i ask him how cum go mac...he say veh sianx...den say yf jealous...den i was lyk..wad??...haix kinda used to it liaox...cos everytime oso lidat...she jus dun lyk me to be arnd alex...i tryin to stay away liaox..dun really tok to him anymore...haix nvm...den i went home abt 9plus...qinwei pei me go home..cos veh near only..he say he send me home...ok lor...den we walk from 53 bus stp den tok alot of tings...he say brk wif the stead is not cos of $$..is cos the gal lyk another guy...so totally diff story frm wad i heard...den he say he dun lyk ppl giv so many comments abt his r/s cos its a 2 ppl tingy...not other ppl business den dey keep sayin he dun lyk...den i was lyk...erm ok...den i nv ask ler...den he send me to my hse dwnstairs...veh nice...kk...

nxt day went to sch take my report book...see all my frens veh happy..hehe miss dem alot sia...dey say miss me oso..haha dunno really anot.. =P ...haha den after dat went to eat wif fel n yuzhe...the coffe shop de guys keep teasing fel..say she veh chio den make fun of her...den later drag me in oso...tok alot of cock...make until we eat until veh gaowei...haix...den got one guy 21 yr old de...he ask for my hp den dunno do wad to it...den after dat den i realise he use it to cal my fone to take no...bloody hell...fel one oso...ok nvm..dats not the point...ok den qw sms me ask wan go bishan together anot..den i say ok wait for him dwnstairs...den met ww...she ask whether can go her hse wait for her bathe 1st den we go bishan together...qw say anyting...den we all take cab go lor...but qw was lyk kinda pissed...dunno at wad...lyk veh annoyed by smth...mayb ww too noisy...haha no la kidding...den hor she veh wad leh...at her hse dat time she ask qw izzt lyk me den all dat kinda qns..make until me n qw so paisey...haiyo dun hav la..gd frens only...dun anyhow tink...hmmx looks lyk she stil kinda concern abt qw's life...hmm kinda obvious even tho she nv say it or admit it ba...haix...dunno wad to say...ok den we reach bishan le qw go meet tianhao dey all den me n ww go bbc...yupx dats all...

did anyone see his nick lately...tok abt how poor ting he is cos no one wan him...haix...really is no one...but dun mean no one luv him...got one gal luv him alot...stil luv him alot...stil can sacrifice for him...but jus dowan be wif him...cos dis gal's so afraid of being hurt once more...the hurt once caused by him is so deep...so painful...make until the gal really veh scared to lose him once more...only way not to lose him is to not even hav him at all...rite anot...lidat den wun hav chance to get hurt le ma...haix listenin to mario winnans de "i dun wanna know" on radio now...really is say my feelings last time...not the whole song exactly portray my feelings la..jus got some parts is say la... " i dun wanna noe...if ur playing me keep it on the low...cos my heart cant take it anymore" ...at dat time whn our r/s on the verge really is i dun wanna noe anyth...dun wanna noe he dun luv me le...dun wanna noe i lose him le...dun wanna noe he lyk someone else le...haix...wads the point la...i mean lyk..haix luv him in my hrt can le...dun need to hav him...but miss him so much...really alot...haix

2004-09-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

yeah i'm back...haha miss dis place so much...yday nite me 9 go slp le..really is tired until walau veh jialat...lie down on bed slp liaox..nv even dream..haha dis mroning 12 wake up..haha...pig rite...hmmx tonite dunno whether can slp anot...cos got time diff den mayb at nite i wil wide awake..now tired...haha yawn..well yday yf came over to my hse...den gave her wad i bought for her..hehe...today at 1st wan go bbc de..but now raining..so sianx..haix later goin to pass yf her foolscap...dunno can go out anot...aiyo now everyone exams den me alone veh sianx de leh...hmm wad else...oh ya alex was kinda angry wif yf yday cos she nv tel him wad happen..erm smth la..haha den yday he angry wad...haix...but today dey ok ler...good lor...me really is stone at home ler..shld i go bbc??...hmmx miss evryone but now raining oso dunno got ppl dere anot...later go dere no one hor den even more sianx...haix..todays blog so bored rite...cos i oso bored...bored until dunno wad intresting tings to write...oh ya me stil need $$ for my portfolio lor...aiyo where to get $190 by oct 18...hmm wil hav a plan one...anyway dis money is can earn back de...after i get my pay den wil 3 or 4 times more ah..haha ok nvm...i dun quite feel lyk goin le leh...being model not so fun after all...haix..dunno wad to work oso...hmm nvm nxt time den say...

ya abt me ah...dunno...feeling veh confsed lately...feeling wrong ah...very wrong...sm feelings shld not be having de but dey jus seem to cum out...haix dunno la...mayb its jus for a moment only..den dun go tink so much first...i scared...haix scared wil do tings i nv expect myslf to do...scared i wil change to some damn bitch...i dowanna be a bitch...but...haix i really dowan to turn to smone hu is so bad lor...i noe ppl change...but do ppl change cos of wad dey do or cos smth jus leads dem on w/o dem knowin it...haix..

2004-09-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

wah sey me now damn full ah...eat a lot jus now den eat ice cream somemre...but veh nice sia..haha aiyo i damn fat le leh..later i go back u all canot recognise me...haha dunno hu is dat fat pig...haha...but the ice cream shop veh cute one lor..haha whn u giv dem tip den the ppl wil sing song for u one...haha funny but cool...customer service u noe...

hmm past 2days wen to disneyland...dere is really cute lor...haha all the disney characters all around...hehe me really had fun dere leh...evryth is soooo damn cute...ok now the fun part was the theme park...got 2 la 1 is theme park den another is disney park...the theme park is hav all the rides one...but hor so damn sad the roller coaster close lor..damn it so sad...den only got the mini one which was so crowded den i nv sit..haix so sad...ok i tink the most thrilling ting for me was the ferris wheel...haha i cried whn i was on it ok...u noe y...haha cos the one hor is not lyk the usual one lor...its diff de...cos it will sway n sway really fast up dere ok..den some mre so high leh...haha den i freaked out up dere n cried...haha sounds really funny but i was so scared leh...hahaden cum down ler den i ok liaox...den went shopping for alot of stuff...bought sm tings for coach n frens...

hmm yf email me...den looks lyk she got some kinda probs...hmm dun tink now is right time to tel budden nvm...i nxt time den say if can la...but most important is she muz happy n dun make a decision she wil regret lor...mei ah remember muz be smart ok??...stay happy most important...hehe me wil support u de...muackxxx

alrite kx remember i say b4 wil tel u ppl wad alex told me at the airport abt tuan b4 i left...hmm actually oso nth la...alex say he ask tuan if he wil patch wif me...den tuan say he wun...n reason is cos me attitude veh bad...den he say alex dunno me well enuf...haix me hear le hor really is...walau lidat he oso can say...all is excuses...haix...nvm...ok i admit got abt 2 times lidat me angry wif him...but its not for no reason de lor...got once is cos he ps me mah...promise me ler but nv turn up...of cos wil angry rite...ya dats the 1st time ever...den another was cos me at hospital den he nv cum visit me mah...dat time i was more of upset than angry...den whn he called me i guess i was sort of harsh la...but after dat all was settled le ma...me stil call him den say alot of tings leh...haix even tho understood y he nv cum visit me n told him i dun mind...in the end he was stil bothered by wad his frens tink...haix i guess his frens really mean alot to him...lyk wad can i say or do...since he wanna tink dat i'm dat kinda person den i oso nth to say ler...haix wo de ku xin shui liao jie ne????

i was tellin yf dat day...altho me stil love him alot alot n stil wanna see him happy n all dat...but if he really wan patch i wun accept ler...i dunno y...i love him so much but i dowan him back??...sounds a bit contradictory rite...haix i guess its cos me cannot afford to lose him twice ler la...too great a blow for me to take...i wil really die if dat happens...some more...tings wun be the same liaox...sure one...it oways happens...wun last oso...haix...so now me jus see him happy me happy liaox...he wil tok to me i veh happy ler...really...dowan to ask for anyth more...lyk wad alex oso tink lor...shi qu de bu neng chong lai...wads lost canot be recovered...gone means no more le...haix...but feelings stil so strong...wad to do...hmmx but if look on the bright side den not so bad...haha can look at shuai ge lyk nobody's business...can flirt lyk no one cares...haha no la kidding...canot lidat one...single really stil more carefree n fun...haha

2004-09-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

alrite...cool...me went to universal studios hollywood yday...haha fun man...ya n saw the diff places where famuos movies were filmed...only sad ting was no actor or actresses to see...sob sob...nvm...den dere got alot of fun rides to sit...lyk the mummy ride..haha dat was fun..really thrilling ride...veh shiok ah...haha...den we went for the van helsing walk...scary ok dat one...got alot fo tinngs cum out scare u de...den me n my cousins scream lyk wad lidat...haha...den my older cousin keep grabbing my another cousin's fren the arms...haha he say my cousin eat hos beancurd...erm get it??...haha chi dou fu...hehe ok nvm...den went to sit jurassic park the ride...is lyk wet n wild in escape...the ride...not the water theme park...den me got all wet...haha...quite fun leh...den erm we went shopping n me bought stuff again...oh ya dere was dis game is shoot bball one...at free throw line...nba net...haha score le can get BIG teddy bear...n noe wad???...hahaha i shot in 2 ok!!!!...haha so happy den i got 2 big bears wif me now...one giv yinrou..my cousin la...den another i keep...haha i veh good rite??...haha bball skills not so bad after all...den the guy at the game stall say me veh cool...den got ppl spend $80 shooting oso canot score...haha tyco sia...den went to hav dinner den go back my cousin hse le...

b4 yday me oso got go shopping ah...den bought alot of stuff...did i mention??...at the outlet in las vegas...bball shoe did i say??...ya i tink i did...hmmx miss all my frens back in spore...miss my son n nephew...alton n aaron la ok...den miss bbc alot of ppl...haix miss him alot oso...u noe b4 me left on the plane he sent me an sms...den made my day really happy...haha he thank me for lending him my 6100...den my 8210 now loh...hehe...ya really glad...haix but alex told me smth dat made me not so happy....aiya nvm...nxt time tel u all wad it is...now muz rush go bathe..i goin santa monica le...bye bye....

2004-09-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

ok me jus got back from las vegas...haha cool rite...hmmx me now in LA lor...jus reach home only..hehe las vegas is really cool man...haha its called the sin city too cos most tings u do dere r sinful...lyk for eg. gambling den got prostitute den tatoo den strip shows...haha really is sinful enuf le...well the hotels dere veh nice de...altho the one i stay is 3 star onyl but its really big n nice...call treasure island...so the theme of the hotel is pirates n treasure la...den got hotels wil themes lyk new york or paris or greek god caeser...hmmx veh nice...hehe nice to shop n play oso...got alot of tings to see...its lyk u see all the scenes in movies dat show vegas rite...den whn u go dere its jus exactly the same...den lyk u in one of the movies lidat...haha dream cum true...got alot of hunks n babes to see oso...hey alex fav. hangout liaox...haha no la jus kiding...but its really cool dere...esp at nite...all the lights appear den decorate the entire city...its jus a small city in the middle of a desert....ppl cal it a miracle cos a piece of desert can turn into a fascinating city...great experience...haha dun worry i not goin home yet...sunday den leave here...so wil reach spore by 28th ya...

i tel u all hor...i here only 3days hor den i spend u noe how much...$350 US dollars lor...haha means spore 500 plus lidat ah...haha i buy ALOT ALOT of stuff le lor...hahaha...so cool rite...hmmx i went to the nike factory outlet so i bought lotsa nike stuff for me frens...i bought nike t shirts for the bbc ppl...lyk alex, alton, aaron, tuan, weiji, ck etc la...some i nv mention but i got buy de...haha dun worry... den yf n myslf i oso got buy t shirt for bball de...hehe den one wristband for her...erm i bought a pair of nike bball shoes n addidas shoes...haha so cheap leh here...dun buy i sorry myslf ah!!...haha...den i bought some t shirts for myslf...stil looking for presents for my family cos all i could find here was teen stuff...haha branded oso veh cheap so i gonna look for gucci n prada for my mum n aunt...hehe...den bought ear rings for yf n ww...haha real nice...oh ya for audrey oso cos her bday i kinda missed it...sorry gal...haha fel oso...erm den i stil looking for bady presnets for daddy n kor...haiz not easy to find nice ones...haha...so far me really enjoyed myslf alot alot lor...veh happy...haha...hmmx goin to universal studios tml..the hollywood tingy one la...den wed n thurs goin disneyland...haha den can play lyk siao le...hahaha

haix altho me here hor...but my heart stil back in spore...haix heart stil on someone else...lyk nv cum wif here lidat...hmmx enjoy is got la budden stil nv forget abt my troubles...haix...dunno wad to do oso...jus canot help tinking n tinking lor...i mean lyk its not easy to take tings easy lor...say of cos can la but in fact...haix...dunno la...jus quite upset here at times...hmm y cant i jus forget???...bring myslf so much sufferings...jus cant help tinking...i tink cos the hurt dats caused too great le ba...haiyo veh long nv kena hurt so deep n painful le...den i tink quite hard to recover lor...esp whn tings lyk seem much more complicated den u know it...haix see more ppl involved in his life...dunno is jealous or upset...hmm anyway i oso no right to noe abt his life liaox...i jus tink...hmm smtimes dunno too much beta...wun get hurt so much...wil feel beta...haix...k la dowan tok abt dis liao...i update a few days later ba...hehe got more fun coming up...all take care ya...

2004-09-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

ok me goin to usa later liaox...so mayb wil not update until quite come time lor..so all take care ah...

alrite...yday went to town wif alex n yf...smth went wrong wif my dress code yday...haha dunno y...it sux but i wore it anyway..haha ok nvm abt dat...den we at first go city hall walk walk den go town..hmmx tok abt alot of tings lor..den ya i got my hp back from tuan le..alex help me take de.hehe thanx ah...den his inbox de msg all nv delete..i tink is store in my hp accidentally de..erm honestly got read a bit la...budden read half way i tink to myslf oso no point knowin so much...know le so wad??...haix so i nv read le..i delete all sms dat belongs to him....den dunno y my mood suddenly change...lyk quite sian sian lidat...haix dunno lor...i now stil duno anyth abt his life...den quite miss him..haix not quite la..is very very miss him...haix his nick put "nothing is foreva"...ya lor..true wad...so me jus hafta let go la...i learn how to let go le..jus i haven done it dis time only..haix..dunno y i reacting lidat to this situation...dis is 1st time me react lidat to a brk up in 2yrs liao leh...last time was zijian...cos dat time no experience mah..so damn sad...haix but now i shld b more mature le lor...budden...i dun tink i ature enuf to handle such tings yet...cos i handled dis brk up damn badly...as in really badly...haix...u all really canot imagine how i handle dis...haix...mayb i handled it so badly partly cos of my depression ba...my medicine obviously did not work....so i stop taking it liaox..no improvement in my condition anyway...

haix...y m i behaving lidat i oso dunno...for the past 2yrs me oways handle brk up quite well de lor..a while den ok le...but now..haix today is one month after we brk up...exactly...but me stil not over him yet...stil miss him dat much n luv him dat much...haix...really is the more u luv the harder u fall n the more u get hurt...no wonder my aunty n mother keep tellin me to find someone hu loves u more than u do...den he wil sure take care of u de...haiyo...y love muz be so complicated??...canot jian dan ai meh...haix...hope dis time go to usa wil feel beta after all the fun den can get over faster whn i get back...cos me leaving for msia anyway...aiyo now dun get over nxt yr comfirm get over...erm i hope..haix..hmm at least garden international sch got alot of yan dao de miz blood...haha really alot..haix y m i tryin to act happy whn i'm not??...wad the hell...

haix was tokin to alex dat day...den told him abt how i feel now la..den he jus keep haix haix haix for me only...n he say he canot blif tuan actually can one moment treat me soooooooooooo good den now bcum lidat...haix...ppl change so drastically...n me oso told alex dat...erm remember got one time whn ww n qw brk den ww scold me den we quarrel...so i veh angry i say ww got no capability to keep her stead dun cum blame me...ya i said dat...but its true...n i dun deny dat i got no capability to keep my own stead...i noe dat i lost him is cos of me de...i canot keep him is my fault...so i dun blame anyone...even dta time whn heard he lyk grace i oso nv blame grace...cos she proved herslf to be alot stronger than me to b able to keep him by her side...me dun blame anyone except myslf...cos if i nv fall sick or go hospital den tuan wun get blame by his frens for not visiting me le...den all wld b alrite..haix i guess so la...dats y i say is my incapability to have lost him...i'm sure alot wil agreee oso ba...no one else is to blame le la...hmmx...anyway love canot be controlled one...mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de...if smone is meant to be urs...he/she wil be urs...but if not meant to be urs...no matter how hard u try oso wun be urs...haix jus hafta accept fate lor...got try to get him back..but no use...den forget it ba...lidat evryone den can happy wad...hmmx k la gtg le..me goin to bathe den go airport...see ya...

2004-09-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

stayed at home all day...woke up at 6.30am...den canot go back to slp le...den watch tv until 7.30 den go back slp again...slp until 1pm den wake up...haha veh tired la...so canot help it..hehe :P ...den afternoon ck n fel came over to my hse...hehe fel came to borrow lit book to copy notes for wad she missed out infrnt...den ck came for her la of cos..haha lyk duh!!...but i dun tink fel lyks him..hehe aiya dunno..leave to fate...let nature take its course ya??...hehe den later had dinner..den pack my luggage for usa...wow really alot of clothes to bring..somemore its winter n really cold dere la...so muz bring all the winter clothes n stuff lidat...abt 18 degrees lor...but wind really srong so muz bring windbreaker...hehe pretty excited abt it la...cos mayb once in a lifetime only leh...go disneyland hav hell out of a fun time..hehe...hmmx now tokin to ww n fel..aiyo ww brk wif rod le...she say he dun luv him le...aiyo n she stil type "haha"..aiyo so sad for her...2 heartbrks in less than 2mths...haix...can tel she is veh sad de..budden bottling tings up..haix..she say no more tears to cry le..poor gal...y muz all guys b lidat..they're all jerks in one way or another...no matter wad they're all bad..huh!!...jus dun understand...haix...the bad ones jus dump u after the happy times..the not oso bad ones jus dun understand how u feel but tink dey do...haix all of dem suck..bastards...

haix...me so sick n tired of all dis liaox..sometimes see ppl so happy wif their steads is veh envy...budden dis happy moments all dun last for long de...its not as if i dunno wad...after allt he good tings will come the bad...n all the bad tings come in packages 1000 times bigger than the happy times...haix so wads the point??...sometimes i tink really not worth having the happy moments if u noe dat horrible times r approaching..jus a matter of time...haix...budden...liddle gals wil oways hav liddle gal dreams...hu dowan to hav happy moments wif the one u luv...sometimes will tink dat...to be able to hav all the happy moments wif the one u love most...having sufferings at the end jus makes evryth worthwhile..haix...get it??...aiyo love is so complicated...muz slowly analyse den can understand de...haix wad i tokin...nonsense la...

2004-09-12T16:50:00.000-07:00

jus came home yday from msia...hmmx comfirm stayin dere...means at end of dis yr wil move over...studyin in international sch in kl...quite near my new hse la..damn big lor my hse...3 storey one...got bball court in frnt...haha not bad...ok la i dun mind moving over to stay dere...but veh sad to leave here is true la...will miss evreyone here de...all muz take care ah...hmmx haix...dunno wad else to say le..at 1st i is veh sad one..veh reluctant to even go msia dat day...budden now ok le...hmmx i guess me jus hafta accept the fact dat i'm moving lor...den my dad say got alot of tings mux clear away...cos cant possibly bring so many tings to msia...so i'm gonna sell my stuff if can if not den giv away lor...anyone interested call me ah...den i can clear my stuff faster...got clothes n books n toys..haha wadeva la...got alot of junk...bleahx...hehe...erm later goin my grandma hse to eat...at 1st suppose to go watch match de budden nv go le...tml alton dey all mayb cumin over to help me pack stuff...haix...life's stil very much the same...stil cant let go of sm tings...haix sadded...i jus hope to go msia peacefully den forget all the unhappy times here...haix...oh ya anyway me goin usa on thurs...haha fast rite??...28th of sept den cum back...got anyth wan me to buy can pass me $$ den i go buy for u ppl...hmmx ok la stop here...

2004-09-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

hmmx stay at my grandma hse for the past 2 nites...wof my cousin...yinrou...haha she oso veh sianx..now her hols den her bf in army den no one pei her...her frens all workin oso...haha de for dis 2 days we tok abt alot of tings ah...abt all dat happened in our lives n blah blah lor...haix today go bbc...quite sianx...den stay until 8plus den go home...yf was dere but alex at home...he dowan cum out ah..hmmx den yf quite disappointed...haix dis sat i goin to msia liaox...to see the sch...i excited but scared at the same time...haix excited cos i lyk the sch alot alot...but i scared cos later i decide to stay dere n study den haix...canot see all my frens here liaox...means i gonna live dere den grad le go aust or canada or smth go study liaox...until 20plus yrs old den cum back here to live...mayb oso not cuming back le...den the ting dat troubling me most is yong an ba...its lyk i tink he puttin too much of his feelins into our relationship le...not stead la budden since i mayb goin overseas to study...den if put too much feelins into it den later seperate le wil veh wad one lor..even more xin ku...haix...i dunno...i love the sch over dere so much...lyk basically is everyone's dream sch...being so unfair to him lor...now its not his prob la...its mine..haix i so bad...i noe i haven got over some one yet den i stil start tings wif him...haix...i is tel him to giv me more time to get over tings first la but now i realised its not gonna be easy for me to forget tuan...haix...dis whole ting sux...sux to the core...haix...

2004-08-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

hmmx tml is teachers day...haha no presents for teachers so i gonna jus write letters on nice nice papers..hey its the tot dat counts leh...haha...ok today abt 3 plus reach bbc...den play bball...whole day ah...got go bubble tea shop for a while la..den reach homemonly 09220 lor...bloody hell my mother n sis suddenly do missing...den i no key go home so stay at bbc...went kim san leng hav drinks...guoliang treat us...den yong an came abt 8plus lidat ah...after dat den he send me to bus interchange..stupid hanwei ah dowan pei me go home...haha no la jkjk...haix so sianx...nth to do...lyk so damn bored...ok nth more to say le la...oh ya damn dat alex la..mouth so big...ask u dun anyhow tok oledi...ssssssshhhhhhhhh ok???...haha

2004-08-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

today is sunday...yea suppose to be out but i'm stuck at home...dad cum home so muz be gd gal n pei him...hmmx anyway yday i went out le...at first meet wif aud n fel den we walk walk a while den after dat fel wen to church le...so i pei aud go eat at ps...eat mos burger..waah so long nv eat le...haha..veh nice...den after dat aud went home le so i met up wif han wei, yong an, alton, aaron n weiji...we from ps walk all the way to far east...haha siao rite...den along the road got stop by heeren n paragon...1st time go shopping so long wif guys sia...haha nv see a bunch of guys who stop by to look at so many tings...haha...den yong an n hanwei n weijie buy new bags at fareast...not bad la..all 3 buy diff pattern one...haha den dey joke wif the seel bog de aunty lyk noe her veh long lidat...haha...den the aunty got one daughter veh cute n pretty de...hehe den joke wif us oso...haha so cute...ok den abt 8 we left far east take 54 go back bishan...on the bus hor...walau we lyk the loudest lor...laugh n crap until so loud den disturb so all the ppl on the bus..hahaha...crazy one la dey all...oh ya left far east dat time saw weihao...den whn we reach j8 we go walk some more...waah yday really is walk until my leg gonna brk le...wear heels yday some more...haix..anyway den my mummy cum fetch me at 9plus...den the guys send me to the pick up point wait for my mama...after dat go home le...waah tiring day...

dis morning woke up at 12 again...haha as usual la hor...really bcumin pig liaox...haha den eat le saw my hp got 2 sms...one is last nite 12 plus yong an send me de...den one is morning 9 plus he send me de...he goin sentosa today...i tink weiji n the twins oso got go leh...boon tell me one..but i not sure dey izzt go together one la...hmmx nvm..haix me now tutoring my sis while updating...sianx man...k la update another day...

2004-08-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

today woke up lyk wad??...haha 1pm...i now keep waking up at dis time...dun hav 12pm i nv wake up de..wahaha lyk pig lidat...all ck fault la...evrynote call me den make me tok to him...haha tok until 1am lidat ah...hmmx yday whn i went to bbc hor...boon say dey found out is hu is the culprit behind all the rumours le...dey say is chengxi...den he admit le...den i was lyk oh my god??...he admit it was him...haix...i should be damn angry at him now lor..i noe i shld almost hate him now le...its all cos of him dat caused tuan to be angry wif me n stuff lidat...but...haix i dunno y...really dunno y i not the least pissed wif him...i jus feel dat...haix..dunno lor...i tink dere's more to it some how...cos i hear diff stories oso...i noe now i tink only me n yf tink dere's more to it...haix...but whn boon tel me he admit den i was lyk wd the hell lor...cant blif it..hard to blif oso...hmmx but now...haiya some tings keep to ursl enuf le lor...no need go n find out la...even if find out le so wad...some tings osn wun change de...haix kk...den hor dey say now eveyrone hate cx cos of wad he did...dey despise him ah...haix...for me...i dunno lor...i tink angry at him oso no point...so jus forget it ba...

hmmx den stil got wad else ah...oh ya went hrtland mall wif my mother jus now...bought a few tings...den yf sms me wan go bbc anot..den i say canot lor...den i ask her hu dere...ya den she started tokin cock again...haha...aiya anyth wait for me cum back from msia see the sch first den say la...honestly...now i is a bit dun feel lyk goin dere to study...cos i scared dere i canot adapt their western culture lor...its lyk so totally diff man...haix...i stil tink spore de ppl beta..the guys mayb will cuter here??...mayb not ah...go dere see le den say... :P...but one ting i sure is here de guys all jerks...hmm mayb dere wil hav beta guys??...hmm doubt so la...cos all so rich n proud one...dats one ting dat wil piss me off le...haix...no sch oso not a gd ting...quite sianx oso...haha...

2004-08-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

today went to bbc...abt 2 plus reach...den spend the whole day dere lor...hmmx smth happen leh...den affect my mood all over again...haix tuan n boon cum n ask me hu tel me dat tuan interested in grace one...den i say is hear yf say de...but i not sure oso n nv ask cos i see no point wad..den i say i tink yf said b4 dat is hear guoliang dey all say one..haix..den hor tuan call gl but he say dunno anyth at all..haix den the worst part was tuan was lyk kinda angry wif me..haix...den he lyk say his frens all hate him cos deir are rumours dat say he brk wif me cos of another gal den evryone is lyk blaming him for it or smth lidat la...ahix i oso not sure wads goin on...den tuan say even if brk le no need tel the whole fucking world...den i was lyk wad the hell...me is not angry whn i hear him say dat...i is damn upset...noe each other for half a yr lidat le but he stil dun understand wad kinda person i am...i wun so boliao go tel the whole world dat i brk wif him le rite..i mean lyk wad for i go n broadcast it whn i not angry wif him or wadeva mah...me oledi take tings lightly le...oledi say forget it le mah...i stil go n create so much trouble for wad...haix ok nvm...den later boon cum tok to me..den he say tuan is not angry de la..jus a bit harsh on his tone earlier on...haix can understand how he feel de la...his frens mean alot tot him one..so...haix dun blame him lor...take it as...hmmx dunno how to say oso...anyway jus dun blame him den corrct le la....den boon tel me alot of tings...i tink now stil canot say out yet la...next time den i say...cos stil suspect is smth only...so...wait la...

den after dat play bball...den alex n yf came...den we play bball n tok tok la..alex stil sick ah...stil cum play bball...hmmx ok...den me keep playin wif yong an...haha siao one dat guy...keep tokin cock den tease me...den i put his cigarettes inside the cap i wearin den he find lyk siao lidat stil canot find...haha hu ask him smoke so much...4 cigarettes in 2hrs leh...hmmx nvm anyway den go home abt 7plus lidat...took a cab den dat uncle take the long way..damn him la...hmm now tinking of excuse to go bbc tml...hanwei n alton ask me cum down...well muz see if my excuse works anot...haha if not i wil die at home man...haix...life after quittin sch not as good as u all imagine la..lyk so no meaning lidat...muz find meaningful things to do...haix bored...

2004-08-23T04:53:00.000-07:00

today go to sch settle sch tings...den spend abt 3hrs dere...haix so many tings to do...got lotsa documentary tings to do..hmmx den mrs wong n mr tan veh nice...cant blif my sis actually say kelvin tan shuai...oh my god..haha den i ask her izzt need change specs..hehe...den she say no need...haha...ok den say goodby to my class la..so she bu de dem...hehe u all take care wor...hmmx nth much happened today...dats abt all le lor...fy tel me abt alot fo tings dat happened in sch...haha all the new couples..good for dem la...hope dey last...hehe..now tokin to soooo many ppl...all askin y i quit sch...hmm i repeated my story dunno how many thousand times...ok anyways stil got ww ah...she patch wif rod le..a bit unexpected la hor...haha but hope she make the right choice...hmmx rod not bad la...nice guy...muz last k??...hmm dats abt all le lah...

2004-08-22T04:50:00.000-07:00

kkx i cum back from hospital le...yaya lyk again rite??...hmmx stay for 5 days dere...got alot of new experiences dere...muz tell u ppl...ok me is monday nite go in one...cos i keep vomiting den canot stop...at 11pm i vomit out wad i ate at 1pm lor...can u lyk imagine dat...yucks..i felt really bad lor...lyk wad the hell...the feelin veh xin ku...feel lyk dying...anyway i did la...u noe for dat afternoon...monday afternoon...it was the 16th rite?...ya the day me n him brk...haix me was soooooooooooooo damn sad lor...nv expect myslf to react lidat...at 1st i oledi got heart preparation dat dis wil happen le...den tell myslf canot too upset...but haix...stil canot control myslf...i cry lyk so jialat...kaox...me is damnsad not cos we brk...is cos of the way we brk...n the tings i nv expected to see coming frm his sms...see the words hor...walau really is 100m knife pierce thru ur heart...den lyk u kena thrown down from 100th storey of a building lidat...haix...damn saddenin ok...haix at dat point of time life seemed so miserable...den abt 1hr later my gastricts started to act up...hmmx sounds so drama rite??..ok nvm...den hor pain until veh jialat...so me eat panadol...canot eat my gastricts med le cos i ate 1hr ago liao...den i eat panadol...den eat abt 6...den 1 hr later no use so i eat another type of med for pain one...eat 2..so total of 8 painkillers...haix den felt beta...but in my hrt stil felt so bad...den i go slp...

den whn i wake abt 7pm...kaox vomitted all the way until i was sent to hospital...even if nth cum out i oso veh xin ku...felt veh nauseous lor...den go hospital i was given 2 jabs oso canot make me feel beta...only abt 2am den me felt so much beta..den can go slp...nzt day wake up doc tel me dat i over producing acid in my stomach...n dat cld cause a tumour in my stomach...n he say he dun tink is cos of my stomach smth wrong..he say is cos of stress..most probably he said...den i tink ya mayb lor...cos so many upsettin tings happened wad...1st is prob wif him...den quarrel wif ww...den sch work canot cope...den brk wif him le..waah sey really is stress ah...hmm so my doc say he wil get me a psychiatrist to help me solve my stress prob...cos if dis prob continue den veh dangerous...it will be long term den wil hav tumour n stuff lidat la...aiya anyway so dis dr sim came n tok to me...she say she can help me solve my probs...den help me deal wif stress cos my situation is a dangerous one...hmmx it is???...haha i dunno la dats wad she tel me...well mayb...cos i started to hav dying tots n stuff lidat...den she gimme couselling n med to calm myslf down...cos i was still feelin pretty bad abt the brk up wif him...haix ok anyway den dis psychologist called shenlin came along...she's my personal counsellor...hehe veh frenly woman...she veh nice lor...really..n most amazing is she can analyse my situation without me having to say much...haha lyk wow lor...she so amazing...den can tel me wads wrong wif me...den she tel me wads rite n wads not...hmm but so far she haven tell me wad to do yet...but tml i goin to see her again...

ya lor...den hor i oso realise dat actually if a person see psychiatrist/psychologist dun mean dat person smth wrong mentally..last time i is lidat tink one...dat only mental prob ppl go see dem...but haha its not ok!!...i tell u ppl ah...dey is help all sorts of tings one...from teenage stress probs to adult working probs...den depression n stuff lidat...but its not cos dey are crazy or mentally unstable ok??!!...get dat fact rite...hmmx actually dey all is lyk ur best fren lidat...plus dey keep ur secrets best..haha...n dey help u solve problems effectively...hmmx dr sim n shenlin veh gd to me...dey help me realise alot of stuff...n dat alot of probs are not worth troubling over or not worth hurtig myslf...shenlin ask me if cuttin my habd made me feel beta...i say yes..in a way or another la...den she ask me again...was ur problem solved??...den of cos is no la...den she say lor...if it doesn't solve ur prob n hurts u...y cut urslf??...hmmx i noe dis is a veh simple logic dat most ppl in the positive mind can understand n will noe...but whn ur in the negative sort of mind den u wun see dis le...u wil only tink dat hurting urslf is the only way to make urslf feel beta at dat point of time...budden after all dat den u wil realise nth is solved...den u get ugly scars on ur hand only..haix...now i kinda understand a bit of it la...hmm really not worth it...evryone's tellin me dat...yf n weijie n hanwei dey all jus tell me its not worth it...he's not worth it...haix...i noe...i noe damn well all guys are jerks...i noe damn well its not worth it...but jus nv expect the extent of guys being jerks are so great...haix dowan tok abt it le la...say more sad more...anyway love canot be ordered one...if he lyk someone else is not his fault...its not his fault...cos he canot control himself oso wad...hmmx all my frens ah...dun blame him le la...no point being angry at him...jus take it as another sad case in this world lor...hehe my kor is not so bad to evryone de...mayb dis time to me only ba...all of u dun angry le k??...i will appreciate it de...i'm sure he will too...

ok me now is quit sch le...tml goin to sch to tell the sch n settle some stuff...den clear my books n see the class n sch for last time mayb??...haha some of u ppl i will see for last time la...cos i wil go msia study intrnational sch lyk i say b4...but muz see i lyk dere anot first...cos dr sim is tell me the ppl dere suck lyk hell..dey veh snobbish n rude one...its all abt individual rights dere...if dun be fierce wil only get bullied...hmmx i scared canot adapt to the ppl dere only...otherwise i'm fine wif tings dere la...hmmx den now i wil hav tuition n learn new tings...den go make my hair n evryth...haha do all dat i cant do whn in sch...haha find job ba...yupx...dats how life's gonna be for me for the rest of dis yr lor...i will take care de la...thanx to all the frens n ppl hu cared...luv u guys...muackx

2004-08-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

hmmx today nv go sch...haix...damn stressed up now...den mrs wong call me jus now..ask me take tings slowly...she say she tok to all the teachers le..den ask dem to let me take tings in my stride...waah sey tink abt all the work load i really veh fan...den yr end de exam mrs wong say see how i do den decide if i shld promote according to wad i miss out lor...so mayb even if i fail oso wun retain la...haix mayb a good ting lor but the tot of failing ur sec3 really sux man...haix go msia beta...even if i fail here i still got back up...hmmx not bad oso la...haix miss my class...tokin to michael n benji now...dey say veh miss me..haha mich n ben so sweet...thanx guys...

yday afternoon yf call me la...den she say sorry n stuff...haix canot bring myslf to be angr with her...cos after all me n her is closest liaox...angry with her is angry with myslf...haix wadvea...hmmx anyway...see the tag board oso nth to say liaox...ya la mrs wong say dis kinda tings explain le oso no use...she ask me dun be troubled by it...seh say if i worsen my health condition cos i feel so miserable over the quarrel wif ww den soo not worth it...haix...dunno la...but wad i wan say is...i got say wanna move away but qw ask me to stay where i am...he say he will move away after hanwei stand up...den hanwei did stand up n sit on the floor wad...den qw move sit on the other chair le lor...haix i noe now wad i say u oso will tink i is tryin to cover up for myslf de...now u so angry den i oso veh troubled...no matter wad each of us say...both of us will tink each other is wrong...if u wanna blame me for not walking away den i nth to say liaox...n if u tink dat my character really sux n u cant stand it i oso nth to say...i dowan invite trouble so if u not happy jus leave me alone...lidat den we wun quarrel liaox...haix dunno la...actually to be honest...we 2 is noe dat we stil wan dis fren de...budden bcos of external factors dats blocking our wish of being frens again...lyk for u is canot stand my attitude...budden i now oso canot stand ur attitude wad...u tink i wrong den i oso tink u wrong mah...ok la mayb the way i say tings is veh not nice to hear bt u say tings oso veh not nice to hear lor...i show u attitude but u oso show me attitude wad...u now pissed off wif me for not moving away den i pissed off wif u for not being able to undrstand the whole situation wad...haix now jus keep on sayin oso no use mah...

we 2 oso got our way of seeing tings wad...my way of seeing tings u canot accept...but dat doesn't mean dat my own way of handling tings is wrong wad....rite anot??...i feel dat u now handle tings is cos u stubborn...den refuse to listen to anyth else...mrs wong oso is lidat say de wad...she say u is special case...budden ur persistence dun mean dat ur wrong wad...mayb smtings u is correct de but i jus canot see it only mah...haix mayb u say i do tings veh wad...den dun wanna change...but diff ppl got deir own way of handling situations...u cannot say u dun lyk my style of doing tings den tell the whole world dat its wrong wad...is ridiculous one lor...haix i dunno la...i now veh troubled wif my own tings liaox...n abt fel dat ting...waah we tok abt it for so long liaox..i say last time le hor..quarrel wif fel de is u sters...not me madeline toh...i got no grudges against her...its not fair for me to negelct her jus bcos u gals dun lyk her...ok???i dun side wif her...since when have i started rallies n protested dat fel is the correct one huh??...dun hav rite...aiyo i oso nv angry with her...dun mean dat u dun lyk her den i hafta dislike her too ok???...end of topic....enuf le...keep tokin abt same tings not sianx ah...

n for the sms i type: its not as if u all dunno wd kinda person qw is"...i clarify now...the meaning of the sms is i tryin to say qw tok to gals dat time is super nice one...den he comforting me wad...some more the way he tok to gals oways will let ppl misunderstand wad...really is not as if u all dunno wad...not meh??...haix u noe y u will misintepret into smth else dat is so much more negative...haix i mean i nt tryin to pick trouble again but...really lor...ww ah in ur heart u is tink dat qw veh flirt one...u oso got alot of times say he flirt wif other gals...smtimes even ur own frens wad rite...is u ownslf tell me de...den whn i lidat type the sms...the 1st ting dat come to ur mind is dat kinda opinion liaox...haix no one noes qw beta than u...u noe qw inside out le...dats y whn i lidat type den u wil misintepret cos the 1st ting dat came to ur mind was to protect qw n deny the facts...jus to make u feel beta..haix all i can say is to be true to urslf...dun need to bluff urslf over a guy de...all guys are jerks..all of dem not worth it one...haix...

2004-08-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

hmmx veh long nv update liaox...today nv go sch again..tink is yday i at one time eat too much den hurt the stomach wall..dunno y i wqas gorging myslf wif food...haix stress la..besides bball only eat to relieve stress...kaox y m i doing dis to myslf...i lyk torturing myslf dese days lor...1st i took the kitchen knife den cut myslf 40 over times...den stil not pain lor...den i fed up cos got so little blood only...so i dowan cut le..den i took 3 types of panadol together wif one type of medicine dat canot be eaten wif panadol one...all put under my pillow wif one bottle of water...wad the hell lor..dunno wad i was doin oso...haix den at 1st wan to eat all 30 over tablets down but nv do it cos my sis kinda found the tablets n ask me...den i jus tell her some stupid cock ting den put back all the medicine liaox...ok ya attempt to commit suicide failed the 2nd time...den i hide in my room blast music lor...den keep tinkin abt ALOT ALOT of tings...haix so many tings happen lor...dunno how to say oso..how the hell did i get myslf into this whole pile of shit man...wad the hell..

haix..den abt 5pm on national day i bluff my mother i go take smth from my fren downstairs my hse...say abt 6 plus lidat go home...den in the end i took the lift go until 9 floor...stand at the railing blow wind..veh confortable la the feelin...if jump down the feelin even more song...haix..cos once i jump down den no more worries n trouble liaox...dun hafta face the loads of hmwk n tests accumulated...dun hafta face the pain in my heart...dun hafta face major criticisms for minor things...kaox at dat point of time really wanted ot jump down le...den i go 12 floor...cos 9 floor not high enuf lor..i oledi sittin on the railing le lor...heartbeat veh veh fast...can feel it veh strongly...the wind lyk blowing stronger n stronger...wanna let go liaox...but in the end i came down...haix tink tink for a while...if i really jump down worth it mah??...evryth oso got resolution one mah...end my life bcos of smth dat is not true or not worth it is really stupid...haix at dat point of time really lyk in depression lidat...the feeling is lyk u have no one to care for u lidat lor...den death seems to be such a wonderful ting...ur closest frens dun understand u..den ur family all lan lan lidat...haix damn sux one lor dat kinda feeling...kaox...den the sch work load really is alot until so scary k...haix...even the ppl whom u luv most dun seem to have the power to stop u frm commiting suicide...hey i'm tellin u ppl dat dun go try jumping down to die...its damn scary one...esp whn u fear heights lor...b4 u even jump u can imagine urslf soooo bloody at the bottom of the building...haix dun try it...trust me...

actually on august 8 dat nite i run away frm home again...but for 4hrs only...12 to 4am..haix really is abt to go die le..budden i met lewis n liang...see dey 2 in even worse plight den me ah...dey owe ppl money for gambling one..den nxt day dun pay sure die liaox...waah den i see dem lidat den dey tok to me lor...make me feel beta den bring me home de...haix...i noe u ppl may tink i veh stupid to have dis kinda tots la...but if u in my situation hor..really is die le suan le...cos life got no more meaning liaox...cos dere are ppl hu strongly hold on to their own point of view n refuse to hear the other side of the story...den dey put all the blame on u purely based on wad dey saw...not even botherin to find out wad really happened...

haix...so in the end u bcum the most guilty person on earth...no one blifs u le la...oh ya n at dis point of time dey will be sayin dat i'm trying to cover up for myslf...but dey jus dun tink dat whn dey type such horrible stuffs in their blog...dey are oso covering up for their own story wad...bcos sm ppl refuse to face up to reality so they try means n ways n alot of fuckin excuses to make their story seem the most correct one in the world...i'm glad i diff lor..i face up to reality...dats y i noe wad kinda fuckin terrible situatuion i am in now...at least i noe wad has truly happened to me....dats y die le oso not die in my own world...is die in the real world today...haix the truth oways hurts de...definitely hurts all the time...but dun mean sm ppl can try to cover up their hurt n push the blame to some one else...den bcum smone else get hurt oso...at 1st one relationship is 2 ppl involve...but bcos sm ppl dowan to accept the fact dat their almighty darling is not so perfect after all den go push the blame to smone hu merely happened to sit beside her almighty dear hu seems to good dat i sooooooooooo much wanna have him...pui lor...give me package nicely i oso dowan...carry on dreaming la...

haix...wad the hell lor...sit beside qw oso canot...ok la u tink rationally lor..if on sunday is another gal sit beside qw u oso will angry one lor...but jus bcos it happens to be me dat u hafta put all the blame of ur brk up on me...pls lor evryone noes dat i dun hav dat almighty power to go n seduce ur stead la pls...i dun hav izzt??...cum take urs for wad...u tink i really wan qw so much ah...really lor...if u canot handle ur own relationship dun cum push the blame to others...u tink abt urslf first lor...u oso oways laugh n play arnd wif alex wad...u got see yf coming to slap u??...dun forget u oso got let alex zai u on the bicycle on dat day lor...i noe u gonna say so wad rite??...ya la so wad???if u can hug so close to alex on the bike den wad gives u the rite to get jealous whn qw sits wif another gal...u noe wad dis shows anot???it jus shows u dun trust qw at all lor...dun come n crap say u dun trust me la...if u dun trust me oso equals to u dun trust qw lor...u scared he zao sai u wad...u dare to say no meh??...in ur heart u noe how much u cannot afford to lose him...but u oso noe dat u cannot 100% trust qw...den y the hell do u hafta put the blame on me??...i'm sorry lor i dun hav so good powers to brk u n qw up lor...n i wldn't be so fuckin boliao to do it..i got enuf tings to fan over le...jus leave me alone can anort...if u wan find someone to blame for ur brk up go find smone else...dun cum find me...doesn't mean dat whn u only hav urslf to blame den u can find other ppl to take the rap ok...leave me alone la...u keep sayin i dun leave u alone...HELLOOOOOOOOOO??????????...is u cum n blame me 1st de leh...so jus leave me alone n i'll leave u alone ok?!!?!!...ok fine i go away now...i leave u alone first...i dun wanna hav anyth to do wif ur almighty dear anymore...i back out first ok u happy??...leave me alone la...

if u is come n comfort me den good i welcome u...but if got trouble hor..pls la..really beg u la ww...pls pls pls pls leave me alone can anot..i really veh cham le..i wun go invite trouble n u pls pls pls dun bring trouble la...i beg u lor...haix but i stil wanna say one ting...is i tink alot of days n nites den realise it one...whn me n tuan got prob dat time where were u n yf??...u noe wad u 2 say anot...u 2 will tell me to dump the guy b4 he dumps me...sorry dats not my policy...den u 2 noe nth else le...u 2 nv cum comfort me le lor...for the past week is hu pei me one??is hu make sure i dun coop myslf at home??is hu tok to me all the time tellin me i shld be strong??...for one ting i's sure is not yf n definitely not u lor ww...u noe wad u 2 noe how to do anot...alex comfort me online den joke wif me so dat i wil forget all the unhappy stuff...den yf canot take the jokes den quarrel wif alex...make until i at fault for their qaurrel lidat...den u leh??u noe one dat day qw n zhen xiong dey all veh good ok..dey tryin to make me laugh so dat i can forget my troubles...if not at 1st i oso veh sad one...is dey all cum make me laugh lor...but u leh??...u only noe how to get jealous lor...wad else u noe???u got cum n find out wad we tokin abt anot...nv lor...den u get jealous den show attitude den blame me for ur brk up wif qw...fair anot??...u as my best fren nv cum n help me whn i needed u most oledi bad enuf le...stil misunderstand qw n me lor...most poor ting is stil qw ok...he only tryin to be a gd fren to help smone else but hafta be misunderstood by the gal he love most for flirting...its not fair to him oso lor...haix really lor...my best frens at where whn i needed dem??...dey make me even more miserable...my best frens noe wad kinda life i goin thru now anot??...dey noe i almost died anot??...dey noe i need hu most anot??...i need u 2 de comfort lor...i dun need qw or alex or bbc de hueva to cum n comfort me lor...i need is my best frens de comfort lor...but they dere anot??...got anyone of u cum n really tok wif me wads goin on??...now i is not angry lor...now i is damn sad lor...i not angry dat i was put to blame for ur brk up wif qw..i is damn sad dat y my best frens dun understand lor...kaox...aiya wad the hell...dowan type le...

haix..kaox fuckin troubled now...at 1st veh fan le den stil got more tings happening...wad the hell...can all the tings dat dun concern me jus go away???...haix...damn feel lyk shouting n shouting now...but my mother at home...haix dowan make her worried anymore...she veh good lor...i run away day nite she keep sms me comfort me den ask me come back den say...she ask me to face up to reality...she ask me dun push all my problems for death to settle...cos its not gonna work as well as i wan it to...veh good hor??...haix...no wonder lewis n liang tell me dat mothers are the best...liang say if choose btween the gal he lyk n his mother he wil choose his mother...den he ask me tink practically...is ur frens support u de or ur mother support u de...den he say frens can help u wif wad??...dey can give u money to survive ah??...den i tink tink...really lor..is my mother n father gimme evryth one..altho smtimes dey veh kp bt luv me most one is dem lor..haix treasure ur parents ok!!...no matter wad happen dey will be dere for u one...even if they scold u at 1st but in the end dey will go all out to solve ur probs...no matter how much it takes dey will be dere for u...haix...so true lor...now den i realise how much i love my mother n father....dey rock!!

hmmx...i tink i goin to msia le..nxt yr...to start sec4 in the international sch...den can get away from this troubled place...haix...is based on cambridge de so education is abt the same in singapore...den go dere take an exam first...if i dun do well for dat exam den study sec3 again dere...but hor...after sec 4 which is yr 10 la...den got yr11 to 13..which includes jc la..means whn i grad frm dere is grad wif a world recognised A level cert lor...good rite..can have a A level cert rite away...den after dat is go study U lor..but one ting is the sch fees veh ex...for both me n my sis to study the first year is $50 000...enuf to study in australia le..dats y my dad goin to find money now...if not den we find another sch...cos dis international sch is the largest one in msia...of cos ex la..but can find others oso can la...the facilities veh good..really is sooo good lor...all air con classrooms den 30 over ccas to choose..sports hall n air con bball court...hmmx sounds lyk the best place to study in...but no matter wad..i oso not used to dat place...here den is my home wad...i grew up here de leh...haix...i scared if i really hafta go den my dear how...hmmx we not over yet de...come back first den say can...tings can be settled one...haix...**tell me to stay & i'll not go**

2004-08-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

today is 4th aug...which means is me n my dear de 2nd mth lor...haix today nv celebrate..cos i nv go sch...some more he not fre leh..got his folio haven finish ah...den his prelims comin le..after dat is n levels le..den after dat is my turn to hav exams...walau lidat abt 2mths plus canot spend time wif each other...sms oso dun hva time le...hmmx how??walau i damn stress up now...y exams hafta come????walau...haix den now shc work is really piling up for me lor..the teachers is say ask me do slowly den dun rush lor..but i cant help but fell the pressure coming frm sch..haix all the tests esp lor..walau...oh my god wad m i goin to do??....tokin to dgoh n banana now...dey tryin to help me lor...haix i so damn need somebody come by my side now..haix but world is cruel one..got such ting as exams...haix...i hate exams man...haix...i lock myslf in the room now..dowan to go out n face y mother..haix she nv do anyth wrong lor...but i damn moody nbow..scared later i throw tantrums at her...den quarrel..haix..damn feel lyk cryin but canot cry...haix

2004-07-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

yeah i'm finally home!!!haha...hospital soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sianx lor..i practically stoning everyday...the food was horrible too..yuckx..didn't eat much or slp much dere..hmmx i'm much beta now le..thanx to all to cared!!haha..me stay dat time hor..mrs wong n mr tan cum visit me..haha hey 1st time i see they 2 den i sooooo happy ok!!...haha...dey veh nice leh..buy bear bear for me den ask me take care..hehe..den of cos i canot forget my class la..haha 3E7 ROCKS MAN!!!...haha my class ppl really veh gd ok..haha now den i noe wad is cal huan nan jian zhen qing...hehe dey wrote get well msgs n cards for me..den all write until veh veh sweet regardless the length of the words written...haha now den i noe my class got sooooooooooooooooooo many ppl truly care abt me lor..hmmx thanx!!!haha...really wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to all my classmates...hehe frenx foreva!!!...some of dem wirte until veh nice lor..lyk benji..haha thanx ben...he write until veh nice..nice until i read le den cry...heex he say he wil share my pain n sufferin wif me den ask me come back soon cos he miss me...wahaha i miss u too...den oso got mingkai hu wrote too...haha funny lor his letter..but stil eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww chee howe write the most farni one..haha he tempt me wif lotsa yummy food...but at least he cares lor..haha thanx eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww chee howeeeeeee...haha bleahx..erm oso got rach n wenzhao one veh veh cute...haha thanx..n the hamtaro sticker oso!!how u noe i lyk hamtaro??or mayb u jus dun...haha but thanx anyway...hmmmm my dear bro oso write until veh hrt-warmin..thanx yuzhe!!haha...irra wrote veh nice tings oso..den sh n sy oso..den erm weimun n keehong oso..haha thanx..walau i got alot alot of thanx to say to alot of ppl...aiya of cos i wun forget my dear mei mei n her laogong hu come n visit me la..haha thanx..really appreciate dem for coming lor..made a diff in my stay..hehe muackxxxxxxxxxx...luv u 2 lots!!...of cos canot forget my mother hu came evryday to look after me la..my mother rush up rush down to take care of me n my sis lor...thanx mummy!!muackxxxxx

haha u all wonderin where my dear rite??hmmx..my dear ah..busy wif his n level..today is due date so he kinda rushin lyk some mad person lidat..hehe nvm la..i tot it over liaox..n level really is more important..i tink wad i shld do is to understand his situation lor...if i stil be stubborn n insist dat he shld have come n visit me instead of doing his n level project den i really being veh unreasonable lor...haha at least he say tml wil come see me..no promises la..cos he got church mah..but at least yday whn i tok to him on the fone..i noe me stil mean alot to him...hehe luv ya dear..muackxxx

2004-07-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

waah i alot of days nv go sch liaox..today oso nv go tranin cos me stil on mc..hmmx doctor say got prob wif my stomach lor..den hafta take med...go for urine test oso..muz see wad the results sae on monday la..hmmx hope nth wrong..if notme veh scared..haix..yday dear n boon n alex sell ice cream at my hse here..haha den me buy frm alex n dear lor..each $11..den my fridge is now full of ice cream..wahaha...alot sia..hee den today waah damn sianx..whoel day at hoem...rotting le..stoning la..haix nth to do..wan go out oso canot..me stil sick..haix..den aiya time of the mth come le..damn pain..kaox..wan die liaox..hope tml wil feel beta den can find my dear..haha..got social studies test on monday...sianx..muz study oso..kk nth to say liao..wish me get well soon..

2004-07-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

hmmx today is racial harmony..my class got 30 ppl wear ethnic costume ah...hmmx boring day lor..nth special at all..lessons as usual...nv went for maths rememdial today...gastricts actiin up again but suppose to see doctor one budden nv gol...my mum say tml den go...mayb tml not goin sch lor..haizx...i got a feelin dere's smth wrong wif me inside...wif my stomach...haix my gastricts keep comin lor..eat medicine le oso no use..the pain jus comes n goes..walau i veh scared...later i die how ah??hmmx yf n yuzhe keep askin me dun scare myslf..hmm today dear sms me...lyk finally..haha..he ask me y i sick den say he nowadys veh bz..den sorry lor..haix hafta understand one la..his deadline for project near liaox..me beta dun go giv him anymore pressure...hehe at least he stil got rememeber me lor...beta den nth..hehe..haix tml goin to see doc...veh scared...haix..

2004-07-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

haix today sick nv go sch...hmmx gastricts actin up again..haix doctor say is stress liao...mayb lor..stress too much over sch work..mayb its not the sch work...i dunno??haix..today whole day so sianx..nth to do..yf went town wif alex..den i sms my dear twice n called him twice but he nv pick up or reply..hmmx alex say he slpin at home..mayb lor..dats y whole day nv contact me..haix..if he got reply me sure wil make my condition beta de..but too bad lor..hmmx den i was lyk tellin yf n ww mayb i over sensitive liaox...hmm but if he remmeber me den wil contact me de...so i wait lor..haix no matter wad..me stil luv him..

tml is racial harmony..stil got bloody maths test...haix stupid mrs koh..racail harmony oso dun let us go..den tml can wear ethnic costume...most of my class mates wearin lor..den me wearin indian de..got 2 sets so got 1 lend to ww cos she dun hav...hope tml is a fun day la..

2004-07-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

oh my god...haix how could i hva done such a ting lidat??kaox me was lyk angry for nth lor...haix y i lidat show him attitude??haix..ok ya me now damn angry wif myslf..haix veh upset over wad i hav done oso..hmmx basically..today dear say he wil cum find me after church..den i waited for lyk 2hrs den he nv cal or turn up..den i got kinda pissed..hmmx den whn i called him abt 2.48..he say he jus reach home n he dun wanna come find me at j8 cos he veh tired..den i was lyk wad the hell lor..so i got really pissed...den dunno wad happen to yvon..haix she now ok le..den i jus wlk off den leave j8 n went to bbc again to find ppl to play ball...n guess wad??i saw tuan coming down...haix at dat point of time my mood was lyk..walau u say tired den now u cum down play bball??haix den i lyk not happy le..i oso dunno y i react lidat lor..damn regret it now..kaox y i so bad..haix den me was sitting wif fish n jieshi..den after dat i lyk veh upset lor..cos i veh confused..dne i oso dunno if i angry wif my dear or angry wif myslf for being so not understandin towards him...den i dunno is blaming myslf or blaming him..walau den i damn upset lor...oso dunno u den i jus left bbc w/o sayin bye..haix

den at the bus interchange i saw calvin n ww..dey went movie together..haix den ww was lyk tryin to comfort me..hmmx den i sms my dear to tok abt it..haix den i tink he was in bad mood or smth..haix altho he say he not angry wif me anymore..but i can sense the disappoinment he hav in me lor..its lyk i feel he veh veh veh disappointed wif my behaviour today..cos i tink he nv expected me to be so oversensitive n unreasonable??haix i nv expected myslf to show attitude to him oso...walau den i now damn angry wif myslf..how the hell could i hva said smth lidat lor...how can i show attitude to him over such a trivial matter??walau i now veh regret...but i stil dunno y i did dat to him today..haix dear oledi say nvm n forget it le..den he say he oso at fault..

haix no la dear..u not at fault..me shldn't hav been so unreasonable today..mayb now u forget it liao but to me..i tink i can sense dat u nv expected my behaviour today...haix mayb i jus dun understand u well enuf..hmmx i told myslf dat i shld cherish u even more since me may hafta leave for msia anytime...i jus couldn't bring myslf to do anyth more to hurt our relationship liaox..haix i'm sorry..i jus wan say i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...i didn't mean to do all those n to sae all those tings to u one..i dunno wad came over me..haix..forgiv me k?hmmx even if u can forgiv me..i may not b able to forgive myslf for doin such tings to u..walau wad the hell was wrong wif me???haix..mayb now i say such tings oso no use liao...mayb i canot promise dat such tings wun happen again..but i veh veh sure dat i can promise u..no matter wad i say or do..or no matter wad happens...me wil oways luv u k??really..i swear frm the bottom of my heart.........no regrets....

2004-07-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

hmmx...well ya ok..my parents wan me to go over to kl n stay wif my dad..den me n my sis wil study international sch dere..hmmx den we whole family go dere dun come back le..haix den yday i go tel my dear abt it..den we at the bbc de hdb dat 2nd floor tok..haix den me cry lyk siao lidat..i dowan go go wad..but my family goin dere i oso canot do anyth...haix den i was lyk so damn upset...den my dear tel me dat these r the tings we hafta go thru in life lor..ask me dun b upset..haix den he was lyk sayin dat in kl oso got alot of other frens mah...den dat there wil b another beta guy dere for me..haix den i whole person lyk so..haix dunno how to say la..1 word lor..upset..bloody upset..haix den he ask me dun cry den go down to bbc 1st...so i went lor..den yf n chengxi were lyk tryin to comfort me..haix alex n angela oso..weijie oso...haix so mnay ppl concern for me i feel veh luck lor..hmmx dese ppl so good lor..haix den cx went up to tok to tuan..haix den tok for abt 10min den he came down..ask me dun go up n let him calm down...but i was veh scared dear wil do smth to hurt me so dat i wil go to kl wif my fmaily..so i kinda lyk rushed up to ask my dear to promise me dat he wil not brk wif me la..den at 1st he dowan promise de budden after dat he did oso la..hmmx den i saw the tear drop rolling frm my dear's eyes..walau den my heart lyk kena throw down form 100th storey lidat...haix so damn sad ok..i see him lidat i veh xin tong ok..den i tel my dear sorry lor..cos i nv wanted dis to happen lidat...haix lyk some drama love story rite??haix y muz lyk heaven brk us apart when we finally together...haix so sad..den i over dere cry lyk siao lidat...cry fo almost whole nite at bbc lor..

haix den i only began to laugh when i play bball dat time..felt a little bit beta..hmmx den abt 10pm den tuan n weijie send me home lor..den alton n aaron send dis gal frm whitley home..alton wan jio dat gal ah...but i dun really lyk dat gal la..weijie oso dun lyk her..she lyk veh dao n attitude lidat..haix hope alton really make the right choice sia..hmmx den at nite i was tinkin abt me n tuan..haix den i tink..haix since my dad say dowan force me go..den i dun go lor..anyway nxt yr o levels liao..go oso no point wad..so i decided not to go..no matter wad..cos i canot leave my dear at dis point of time..if i really go den i wil regret it for life...really..hmmx my family can go dere lor..i dun care liao..haix i jus canot bring myslf to leave dis place..got all my frens here leh..hmmx..all the riches dere in kl i dowan le...haix..stay here is best...hmmx now all i can hope for is dat my family dun change their mind n force me to go..

hmmx dear u noe wad??after wad has happen..me learn to treasure u even more liao...i promise to cherish u much more den i can ever..hmm i love u k??no matter wad happens i will be dere for u...thanx for being dere for me when i needed u most..n thanx for not giving me up before i do...muackx

2004-07-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

hmmx sianx day...doing my debate..really need alot of research sia..at least dis time i not dat cluless as last time..hmmx hope can win lor..altho i at the disadvantage..again ya ya..haix so suay one leh...oways on the bad side..dun care ah muz win..hmmx cum all the way here liaox..dun expect to round tings up wif a failure ba..anyway...win or lose oso got prize to take..haha so jus try our best...hmmx hard to see how conrad n lewis can debate against each other...its lyk we fated lidat lor..haha evrytime got drawin of lots oso lidat one..now really can debate wif each other liao...at 1st we 2 is best frens den oways help each other out..hehe but now..haix on the battle ground...now den i noe wad is call evry man for himself ah..now is every english banding for itslf..haha...well jus jia you lor..may the best team win!!

hmmx...today go bbc...den find dear den sit around chat chat for a while den go le..haix sianx...rainy day..canot play bball...erm tml is lit evening..den tuan n ck..mayb alex n yf wil b coming my hse until 4 plus den i wil go bathe den go for lit evening..waah hope dun rain sia...den we can watch movie screening in the parade square..haha so excited..we all say wanna buy lotsa titbits den enjoy ourselves..hmmx...ya den jus now my mother told me smth...haix i so sad..altho she say not comfirm..jus some plans only but i stil veh worried..cos my parents oledi start making arrangements liao...aiyo i hope dis isn't true...if not really so sad..haix mayb if tings comfirm le den tell all of u ba...

2004-07-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

hmmx tok abt yday most important...haha 4th july 2004...one month anni for me n tuan...yday weiji went oso..den we 3 go cine watch spiderman2..waah damn nice the show..muz watch k?!...romantic n exciting...hehe den we all go take pic at cine...the eve machine..haha pic come out soooooooooo nice..hehe next time got chance muz show u guys..hehe den weiji got some take wif us some he decorate den me n tuan take only..den we went to taka get yf bday present...bought her a pink wallet lyk she requested..haha..hope she lyk it..hmmx den hor we go paragon..at first wan find andy(tuan brother)..but he dowan anyth so we nv go find him...go eat non fat ice cream again..hehe den we went to far east take piture again...haha veh nice oso...muz show all of u..

hmmx den dey 2 cum my hse for dinner...cos my dad cooked alot of yummy food..hehe den i was lyk tellin weiji dat its lyk some meet the parents session...haha..1st impression muz be good de..haha lucky all turned out fine...weijie veh funny..haha den my both aunties came over too...den my youngest aunty so ji xiao..haha she keep sayin my frens veh yandao den ask me y my classmate so shuai nv intro..haha cos i bluff dem say dey all is my classmate wad..haha..den can see weijie n dear lyk veh gaowei lidat..hehe..den dey 2 left abt 0930 lidat..den my mother say my dear veh gd lookin..haha bleahx..den i was lyk laughin to myslf..haha..good lor..happy liaox..

dear i luv u..hehe one month only k..we muz jiayou together..muackx

2004-07-03T03:56:00.000-07:00

hmmx long time since i last updated...not really many tings happen la...ok i stil waiting for kcp de reply...at first their admin officer veh sux lor...i dun lyk her attitude...den i sae wan tok to the principal personally den she say got no time for ppl lyk me..kaox wads dat suppose to mean...den she suan my results veh lan...ok fine i admit dat budden my results not gd in zhss dun mean wil equally bad in kcp wad...no offence but dats a fact wad...standards diff u noe...den she tok alot of cock but i nv go heck her...den today my dad go wif me...dis time got a teacher tok to me ah...she veh nice de..tok veh polite den my father say she more honest lor...hmmx true wad...at least she not lyk the admin officer reject me b4 i even say anyth...den lyk so scared i tok to principal den he wil die lidat...haix den i now waitin for dem to cal my hse...cos no hp wad..haiya ppl my hp line kena cut off cos i exceed my bill...but 1mth only...so august i'll get my line bac k?

haha tml me n my dear 1mth anni liaox...veh happy sia..haha hope we can go even longer way...den tml we goin to town..at 1st my sis wan follow de leh..purposely one lor..kaox den i dowan care her...dats her prob liao...hmmx den tml i muz hav lunch wif my family first den go out wif tuan.,..if not my dad not happy...hehe tml muz take pic den i show u all k?haha...hmmx den yday yf cal me...cry lyk siao lidat sia..walau i hear her cry until lidat i oso wan cry..she cry jus lyk dat time erkee brk wif her lidat...ahix not alex brk wif her la..but alex scold her or smth...den alex not happy den sae got no voice to tok..den i was lyk tellin yf mayb he now bad mood den need time to calm down den tok beta wad..haix den she say she nv do anyth wrong y alex muz lidat treat her...oso correct lor...walau dunno wad is alex problem...yf oso nv quarrel wif her or do anyth wrong wad...if its cos of the hp ting den is not yf fault lor..hp wif ww wad..den ww cum giv him back le wad...is he forget to take den the fone mah...now the fone is wif tuan mah...if cos of dis he wan angry wif yf den veh wad lor...ok den if its not cos of it den i oso dunno liaox...haix all i noe is yf veh sad yday...see my meimei lidat i oso veh sad sia..i now pissed off wof alex for oways makin yf so upset lor...alex lee u listen up hor...my sister go stead wif u is not for u to make her cry one ok..she go stead wif u is cos she trust u n i hope u dun betray her trust in u lor..if got problem btween 2 of u den u 2 shld tok it out n settle it the nice way k...is not u happy den tok to her not happy den tel her dat u no mood to tok or wad ok...can spare a tot for her feelins jus lyk she oways tink abt u first can anot?

haix hope dey 2 dis time can settle dis...if not yf evry few days wil b lyk so bloody upset cos alex show her attitude..hmmx guys are jerks...i shld stil stick to this logic sia...hmmx mayb got ahem exception la...lyk ahem ahem la...haha ok canot biased...anyway feng ah dun sad le la..couple is sure wil quarrel one wad...u take it lyk alex pms or wad lor..smtimes guys wil behave lidat one...but after dat ok le den evrth wil b alrite le la...dun tink so much abt it k??he calm down le wil tok to u one...if he stil luv u..i dun blif dat he wun tok to u lor...cheer up k?muackx

2004-06-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

haix me so busy liaox stil come n update for wad...i'm lyk in the middle of my deabte...so sianx..i'm lyk so bloody stressed now...doin possible rebuttals..haiyo now my mind inside only got environmentalism and hot air...walau dis sch is really driving me nuts lor!!!wad the hell man...1st day of sch only n i so stress liaox...canot see my dear makes tings even worse lor..haix my dear sick leh...headache n fever..so kelian u all noe???hmmx he now shld be resting ba...hope he get well soon...mayb tml i go find him after my seminar...walau stil got tv presenting seminar..sianx man..oh my god my maths haven finish yet...fuck la i dun care liaox..mrs koh wan scold den scold la..i dun care le..faster i wan transfer ah...dowan stay in dis sch n shou ku anymore..sob sob...aiyo stil got lit script nv finish..kaox all i do lor..den the other 3 script writers lyk king lidat..haven write finish all come n find me...idiotx..haix..jus now rachel sms me..say the tagboard dat rachie is not her...eh which kukunathan is dat rachel ah faster own up hor..i noe is not my class one so dun pretend liaox..cal me bitch veh funny ah...wan play izzt...walau dis kinda ting where got nice to play..sianx...muz go bac od my rebuttals liaox..no time le..i veh sleepy liaox..seh seh oledi..haha..dear muz get well soon ok??mauckx..luv ya...

2004-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

haix os fats sch gonna reopen le...hmwk haven finish yet..walau alot leh...haix damn dun feel lyk doing..totally no mood at all lor...den some mre got debate n lit script...haix y m i struggling wif all dis shit?hmmx sianx...ok anyways me gonna appeal for a transfer of sch...tml goin to see kcpss de principal..chengxi say pei me go...well got alot of ppl tink i is transfer dere cos of my dear but no lor..muz clarify..is not cos of him..me is really dun lyk zhss..really dun lyk...alot of reasons la..teachers..some ppl...haix nvm..some more dat time quarrel wif mr choo..sure got alot of trouble in bball team one..i not tryin to run away form my probs la budden stayin here n suffer the after affects...walau sianx..haix start all over again in another sch is not a bad ting oso wad...heex..i noe sure got alot of ppl veh happy i leave one...good for dem lor..haix but i wil miss alot of ppl de...honestly speakin me wil miss the bball team lor...altho we all these yrs not sae on veh gd terms but oso got happy n united times together wad...haix n coach wong n caoch tan oso...haix wil miss dem oso...den of cos wil miss my class la..ok mayb not ppl lyk chee howe but nvm..spend 5mths together oso not bad...esp camp dat time...hey next time got class gatherin muz cal me hor!!

haix...den of cos wil miss yufeng la..my dear mei mei leh...hmmx not i ps u la budden i really dun lyk stayin in zhss..u miss me follow me lor..haha bleahx no la...u wil happier in zhss one..hehe stil can go out together one rite??hehex...den wil miss alot of ppl ah...my debate team mates oso... haix so bu she de...budden stay in zhss oso not happy...well evryth oso not finalise yet...mayb i not leavin oso...hmmx will keep u ppl updated ya?oh ya...happy early bday qiang qiang...mauckx to my dear brother...hehe may all ur dreams come true k?

2004-06-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

haix so sianx...yday was yf bday...den afternoon went to wild wild wet wif aud my sis n cousin...at first happy happy go dere one...den giv the entrance dat gal make until so not happy liaox..damn feel lyk boxing her leh...her attitude veh bad to us lor...as staff she shld treat us wif respect n courtesy wad...no matter we how old we oso is customer...customer oways rite policy mah...den hor got some miscommunication den she scan the card wrongly for us or smth ah...den she scream at us infrnt of evrybody lor...dunno wads her prob...den at 1st my cousin wan complain her de...but after my cousin scold her liaox den say forget it lor...attitude sux lyk hell...how can so no manners to customer one...haix den nvm lor..we all go in play...actually is not sae veh veh fun or wad...cos ALOT of ppl den muz que veh long to take one slide...if not the rest is the kiddy type one...haha den me aud n my sis keep hangin around the kiddy area...den we saw joanne n her family...den we all play together...

at nite go fin yf dey all...go marina bay celebrate her bday..eat steamboat..haha veh nive...not bad la...den alex yday pay for evryth for yf...haha so gd...den after we eat le go ww hse...den hang dere a little while den me tuan n ck go liaox lor...den its was 12 plu le..haha no more bus le..we all wait soooooooo long den finally bus101 come...den we board to the interchange...tuan n ck walk me home lor...haha cos late le wad...my dear n gd fren veh bez hor??hehe den dey all walk all the way home to bishan leh...so far rite??but dey abt 20min reach bishan liaox...pro sia...hehe...at 1st i say wan lend dem money take cab wad...of not walk veh far lor...but dey 2 die oso dowan take...dun understand y...hehe anyway i luv u dear..*muackx*

2004-06-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

hmmx me come bac home le...fri nite my dad fetch me bac home one...hmmx nth seems to b wrong...my mum oso lyk nth wrong lidat...hmmx wadeva lor..damn tired leh...on sat afternoon den i wake up...missed trainin...haha den later go my ah ma hse eat le go watch the best bet wif my family...i watch b4 wif yf dey all le lor den watch again...aiya it was funy anyway...hehe den went to eat sakae for dinner...bought dis membership card wif damn lot of vouchers...haha next time go eat sakae no need money liaox...use the $300 worth de vouchers eat can le...hmmx den go home liaox lor...

haix my mum pestering me abt my hmwk again...dun feel lyk doin...mayb i dun hafta do at all...cos mayb sch reopen i oso not in zhss le...haven tok to my parents yet but i tink my dada has a rough idea of wad i tinkin lor...dun lyk zhonghua..everyth dere sux...haix dunno lor..see whether other shc wanna accept me anot first...

running away......

2004-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

haix ok me ran away from home again...ya its the 3rd time liaox..haix y did i do it??hmmx long sotry la...but most importantly is wad happen during the 2days of my running...hmmx 1st is i go find alex n yf hu were at ang mo kio dat day...den we meet ww n qinwei den we go arcade play play lyk siao lidat...haha play para para...hmmx den hor after dat we went to buy crab den go ww hse...den alex go cook chilli crab for us...haha damn nice...hehe den after dat me n alex n ww stay at ww hse until abt 2am plus plus...den we all sneak out of her hse to go meet qinwei while alex hu had been protectin us can go home...(he snores lor!)..hhaha den hor me n ww go s11 at serangoon sit den cal lionel n lewis dey all cum down to play wif us den hor we eat chicken wings den watch ppl cheer at soccer...haha den we suppose to meet qinwei n go his hse at 4.30 but obviously he was late n me n ww had to wait for him all the way till 5am den we can go huis hse n finally get some sleep...haha bt i nv slp much lor cos ww n qinwei were lyk tokin so loudly n sreamin...haha den melvin came over at abt 6.30 den after dat we all went to watch the bbalkl match for teen games together...

ok hmmx where's tuan???gd qns lor...he was not free den nv pei me but nvm...haha after dat i went his hse to hang out for a while den me go find ww at j8...n u all noe wat??we all waitd ere for qinwei n tuan to cum but dey nv turn up k...kaox damn pissed off sia...but nvm...later i went o ww hse bathe den i came out to bbc again...haix sianx but can see tuan oso worth it...haha den abt night liaox...me tuan ck alton n aaron tok tok arnd the hdb flats lor...ok so now me is at nelson hse..haha using his com den he cookin noodles to eat now...damn nice guy sia him...help tuan to take care of me...hehe ya me stil angry wif my family so me wun so fast go home de lor...see how ba...

2004-06-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

ok hmmx today damn sianx...mornin go sch do debate den only michael n alex turn up...so in the end they came over to my hse...den until abt two den we left my hse...michael went to meet his aikhong den alex went home after he pei me to wait for ww at mac...oh ya ww n qinwei stead le...all the bez ya...*muackx*...hmmx ok den hor whn qinwei come den we wait for yf den later we went to yishun to watch movie...at 1st watch punisher which is NC16..but in the end we cld not make it in...no ic...hmx den hor we change to watch the best bet...haha comical n stupid show...in the end it was all the man's imagination...dortx rite...alot of hokkien in the show sia...haix den hor cheong cab come home wif ww n qinwei...feel so extra in the cab...haha dey two so lovey dovey dere..hmmx anyway den me pei ww eat dinner at opposite our sch dere...den after dat we each go home liaox...

hmmx den come home le den alex cal me ask if i goin to watch dem play bball tml at teen games...haix dunno wan go anot leh...wil b so extra dere...dey all wil couple here n couple dere...some more tuan oso not goin...haix den ck veh nice..he say wil pei me so dat i not so left out...hmmx but stil dat kinda gaowei de feelin stil wil exist...i jus somehow feel dey lyk prejudice against me or smth...cos whn me tok lyk veh happy wif qinwei or alex den dey wil lyk erm erm...haix dunno how to say la...got somebody oso tel me dat dey got dis kinda outcast me de opinion...walau so damn gaowei...haix dunno how to say la...its lyk me do nth wrong den kena condemn bcos of past misunderstandings lidat...aiya nvm...hu cares anyway...well den tuan at home slpin...muz b veh tired cos he today play soccer match den his leg de injury haven recover so now muz b veh painful for him...hmmx not only he ouch la my heart oso ouch leh..haix dunno la...tokin to boon now...haha great fren sia...

2004-06-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

hmmx kk its been a long timw since i last updated...ok walau i got ALOT of tings to tell u ppl..is happen yday one...hmmx yday got trainin wad den qinwei alex n melvin say wan go our sch play bball while we havin trainin...den mornin only qinwei reach...alex was late n melvin last min say dowan go le...kkx den mornin me n yf go le hor bring qinwei in so he at hall outside dere look down lor...watch us train...den coach say wan tok to me n yf...so he tok to us abt we veh long nv go trainin den wad we havin been doin all dis while lor...wah sey caoch is dunno smart or smbody tel him la...he now we all dis whole week go where n do wat k...wif hu oso he noe leh...he tok abt yvon joinin outside team den he say worried dat yvon wil turn bad cos the team not veh "safe" la...den he noe yf on wad day go out wif alex n go where k...he say saw her n alex at lorong ah soo the court watchin bball match...den tok abt the ahem bite...den say how dangerous guys can b at dis age n lotsa stuff...we noe he is concern la so we not angry wif him or wad lor...jus take it as some gd advice ba...den coach tel me he can veh easy find out wad kinda person tuan is since he noe tuan's dad...den he say muz open our eyes big a bit...haix ya so dats abt wad he say...

den after the conversation wif coach rite...lyk oh my god n holy shit...caoch saw qinwei at the hall dere den say see his hair so long comfirm is not zhss ppl den bring him to the G.O. leh...walau den me n yf panic lyk siao lidat ok...den we follow dem go the office dere see how lor...den caoch go bac to train ppl...den me n yf hafta see mr choo wad so we wait for mr choo n see qinwei at the same time...den cos qinwei was wearin my pe shirt so mr alfred lim ask him hu lend him to "cheat" the sch lor...den he say is me...i dun blame qinwei la cos its my fault anyway...,haix den hor ms tan n ms loo oso not in office so ms yam take charge...walau she's such a bitch lor...she keep kp me den say until wan to charge us seriously wif trespassing n tel ms tan n call kcp de principal...walau wad the hell lor...she oso say qinwei look at her lyk is her enemy lidat...walau qinwei smile oledi leh...wad else she wan??!!kaox lucky hor mr lim yong kern come leh...he damn good lor i tell u all...so damn good...he say wun call kcp de principal n not cal police...since its 1st so let us go den nxt time canot do it again lor...den ok la gd lor...den hor walau dat stupid alex walk into our sch lyk wan fight lidat...by that time mr choo come le...cos its trainin time dat qinwei was caught so its a bball matter...kaox not fair rite...is my fault leh not bball team k...ok anyway den alex de attitude n tone veh bad lor den mr choo damn buay song him...den later dey go oledi hor den mr choo say wan see me n yf...but the sch dunno yf oso got bring dem in la...sch only tot is me but nvm...

den hor walau mr choo damn wad lor...he keep tokin abt attitude n attitude n attitude...say we all attitude sux n esp alex even worse...he say if we mix with ppl lyk alex n qinwei we wil turn bad cos dere's nth good to learn from dem...wahlan i damn angry lor...den lidat stil not enuf leh...stil scold tuan k...he tel me say sincce tuan is classmates wif alex den he oso not a gd person...kaox den wad?!wan me brk ah...no way lor...tuan is diff k..he's the best...idiotic mr choo...dunno ppl anyhow say...not fair to anyone cos he dunno dem ok...fuck la...kaox...den he over dere keep kp me n yf got such frens...walau we all noe dem longer den mr choo does k...dey is wad kinda person we dunno izzt...den he walau say alot of tings la...den dowan blif yf neck dat mark is we pinch out one...he say he dun buy yf de story...fine la dats his fuckin problem...

n u all noe wad...he stil say yf cheat me by makin me blif dat its not a love bite...walau he dunno our frenship den anyhow tok...kaox den whn he tok to me individually dat time hor...he got one time pissed off until say if i show him my attitude again den he wil slap me...knn slap la i scared u izzt?!in the end oso not i in the wrong...he slap me he kena too bad lor...den me wan walk away liao lor...if not giv coach n mr lim face hor i really wil walk away lor...fuck lor he tink he wad??if he jus being concern n tellin me nicely stil nvm leh...i can listen n mayb change lor...but he wad kinda tone to me...kaox lor...HE SHOUTED AT ME LYK I JUST KILLED HIS WHOLE FAMILY OK!!...wad the hell...lidat tok to me i nice to him for wad...he jus lost all the respect i hav in him as a bball teacher lor...fuckin fucker...go n die la...walau i damn angry ok...

fine dat wa lyk pissing me off enuf liao...den some bitch stil hafta rub it in...kaox la we attitude ur prob izzt??we change izzt any of ur fuckin problem??!!...at 1st we noe we in the wrong...ya its our fault for bringin other ppl into our sch n draggin the whole team into a scoldin by mr choo...u tink we feel gd dat the team get scoldin izzt??..kaox den YOU stil hafta rub it in n tel us abt our attitude...fine u wan see attiude change in us izzt??now i show u la...FUCK OFF BITCH AND SHUT THAT DAMN PIE HOLE OF URS UP!!...

hmmx dat felt good...ok anyway walau i dun tink dis issue gonna rest so easily...altho mr lim sae wun gimme any punishment but if ms tan or ms loo finds out abt dis den i'm sooooo dead lor...really dead...haix y we so dao mei...can only balme ourslf for sneakin dem in...ok fine ya dis is our fault...but dun need scold whole team n insult us morally to dat kinda tone n extent rite??idiots...all dese stupid ppl noe is to scold n scold n scold us but not tink y we did it n wad the sch can do to stop dis kinda tings from happenin...ZHONGHUA SUX TO THE CORE...

2004-06-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

hmmx ok me sprain my ankle...lyk ouch...at 1st not veh pain one den go see the chinese doc den he make until even more pain...haha ok nvm i'm fine...hmmx today go bukit timah...walau early mornin go dere hor den realise the match is at 1pm...walau ck la..haha den we go play bball n eat breakfast...den we go support tuan dey all play captain ball competition...at salvation army one...dey win one lose one...the win one hor trash lyk siao leh...haha den me n yf keep screamin n cheering for dem...haha got ck tuan alex nelson wee kiat den dunno wad chee one..haha yan chee i tink...dey all classmates wad...hmmx den veh funny...haha den after we go bac bishan den my mama cum fetch me go home liao lor...tuan not feelin well ah...haix dunno he ok anot...hope he's fine..take care hor dear..hehe oh ya yf n alex stead le...haha is dis wad we call dramatic irony in literature???haha i tink so leh...yf sae we all jumbled up wrongly in the beginin...now den is correct pair..haha now yf n alex me n tuan...haha ya i tink dis is appearance vs relity oso...haha those hu take lit wil noe lor...hehe ok la tml got lit workshop..walau sianx.....

2004-06-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

hye ok ya i'm updating again...but dis is to yvon la...

hey chill la gurl...i wan u to get things straight 1st...now NO ONE is blaming u for anyth...no one is sayin anyth abt u ok...ok fine i apologise for my tone on the court...sorry...but i wasn't aware wad kinda tone it was k...but anyway now oso nth else for u to be angry about oledi lor..y u so worked up now??its jus game lor...ok fine la mayb i canot put myslf into ur shoes n understand how u feel...but dat doesn't mean dat i'm a bitch or wad lor...smtimes u canot expect others to do wat u expect dem to do leh...i understand dis lor...dats y i apologising for my tone k...change??u expect me to change over 2 wks??dun siao lor...hey n now is we 2 de ting...got nth to do wif others...dun come n pull clarice or tuan or yf into dis conflict...she buay song me is her prob...i dun giv a damn...now we tokin abt we 2 lor...hey listen again ok...NO ONE IS BLAMING U FOR NOT CATCHIN REBOUNDS AND NO ONE IS HOLDING GRUDGES AGAINST YOU OK...u urslf holdin grudges wif urslf leh...tink abt it la...ya u ask me tink...ok la i do some soul searchin...den u leh??canot say u totally not at fault rite...by sayin all dis tings to me oledi veh unfair le k..stil send one more email brk frenship...i tell u now la...me can forget abt dis ting lor...i noe very well dat true frenship is not broken so easily...

hey me nyf noe wad u pissed off abt lor...we try to appease u le leh..but u canot expect us to change in lyk a few hrs or in 2 weeks lor...pls la..u oso hafta understand ok...u tink u now pissed off i veh happy huh??hey i not saddist lor...kaox ur attitude lidat den we hafta tolerate wif u n admit its totakky our fault for not makin u feel beta izzt...walau dis kinda tings need both sides...u giv me time to change den oso u hafta change wad...u give in to us we of cos wil giv in to you one lor...u oso not me how u noe i nv try to change or giv in to u??u tink u lidat i wil feel gd ah...kaox frens not lidat one lor...wad i wanna say is say liao lor...now nobody wanna blame u or see dis kinda ting happen...if u insist wan end dis frenship dne i nth to say...but i can tel u is not worth it...haix stop dis la k...jus stop dis conflict cos i feel its lame lor...not gettin anywhere oso...

2004-06-05T06:06:00.000-07:00

ok hihix...haha kkx...hmm wad shall i tok abt...ok erm yday want to weijie bbq...oso for another fren de...call bing smth one...haha den all the bbq-ing is yf do one...haha the guys start fire lor...smtimes the rest got help...hmmx den got this grp of gals...weiji classmates ah...sit dere shout for food only...lyk the bbq pit wil eat dem up lidat...haha ok nvm...den yf bbq all the food for dem leh...hmmx she say she enjoy but the gals lidat veh rude wad...hmmx kk den tuan veh sweet leh...haha thanx dear...he bring the speaker n discman go to the beach dere got sand one...dne he play all the love songs den we two sit down dere...haha romantic sia...yday cloudy la..dne no stars to see...hmmx nvm next time ok??haha den...erm oh ya i tink mayb alot of u dunno yet...ya me n tuan stead le..hmmx yday at the beach...haha 4th june 2004..heex i wil alwayx rememeber dat nite...hehe...

ok den today go trainin...ya damn slack..we all spend lyk 3hrs???in gym lor...now muscle ache lyk siao lor..den play match liao...not much of stuff today...haix coach veh disappointed wif C gals...haix dunno lor but can see it on his face...mayb is dey all dunno how to play well yet...but nvm life is full of hopes...haha me sure dey wil make it one...jia you wor...haha..den after trainin went bbc...play lky siao lor...1st time i play until i pengz lor...haha play alot of 2 on 2 & 3 on 3...hehe so fun...den later i take cab home...cheong home den realise no one at home...walau muz go my ah ma hse...den bathe den cheong dere...haix tired sia..hmmx kk i tink dats it...vhe tired liaox...

~~love you dear~~

2004-06-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

wow lyk haha finally i got my blog agin...the las time dunno y canot access...ya hehe got my blog...i got sooooooooooooooooooo many tings to tell you ppl abt...hmmx where shld i start??ok...

lets start wif camp...hmmz yea i noe evryone's tokin abt it now...haha it was fun lor...really fun lor..i tink it was the 1st time our class can actually stand together n do smth successful...haha our grp cheer bez la...dunno how we manange to come up wif it so fast...hehe well den our instructors were adrain n alvin...haha adrian's the gd lookin one..haha alvin's the funny one...he keeps makin lame jokes...well or was it a joke??ok nvm...den whn we were leavin rite...i feel lyk cryin leh...during camp i miss home...now i miss camp..haix u noe whn adrain n alvin were waving gdbye to us hor..i lyk sad until dunno wad to say leh..feel lyk cryin but no one is...so i told myslf canot cry lor..haix miss camp alot alot sia...altho there were unhappy times but i stil enjoyed myslf alot la...me felt lyk our class got another special bond together liaox...regardless of hu it is..me feel lyk we togethr for veh long le..all the unhappy tings dat took place in class jus didn't seem to hav happened b4..mingkai was sooo sporting..wanwin dey all oso damn sporting leh...den dey lyk soooo noisy but haha wads a camp w/o dese noise makers rite??haha den ziyang actually gave opinions n constructive ideas...oh my god!!haha blif it or not man...i used to tink he jus kept to himslf n wun giv anyth frm him...well dis camp jus proved me wrong...haha yea miss camp...haix miss camp...

hmmx ok nxt wad shall we tok abt...ok erm ya abt fel dat tingy...ok erm rachie u say u all nv ask me ignore her rite??ya la dats true...but whn i wif fel den spend my time wif her n treat her as my gd fren hor...its lyk u all gimme the kinda feelin dat u all dislike me for hangin out wif her...den it jus goes lyk u all tink i siding her...hey wad i wanna sae is ya la i not involved n i dun wanna b involved...me be frens wif her is cos she lost her frens liao lor...i dun care wad reason or wadeva happen btween u all...but as long as me n her nv quarrel or hav any conflict or wad...me stil hafta b her fren lor..at the least she stil hav me den no need to b so lonely in sch wad...hey being lonely is a horrible feeling leh...no matter wad she do i dun tink she deserves lyk dis kinda treatment frm u all or frm me la...its lyk me stil frens wif her n dat does not mean that i siding her or tink dat u all wrong or dun blif u gals...but its a fact dat i not involve leh..y shld i isolate her??...mayb u all nv say dat i shld not be wif her or wt la...budden since now me as her fren i pei her go places n stuff...does it really matter so much to you gals dat i m her fren??since it doesn't den lets not tok abt dis le la...we all stil can b frens one lor...y muz make tings until lidat?? *smilex*

hmmx ok lets see...wad else...oh ya mayb sm ppl stil dunno dat me n yf ok le...well ya after dat conflict...hmmx i tink it did not create a distance btween us ba...in fact i tink we bcum closer le lor...haha at the least we noe how to handle such probs again nxt time...pui pui pui aiya wun happen again de...we wil be best of sistax rite??haha misunderstanding can clear one...now i strongly blif dat...n i even more strongly blif dat other ppl canot come n spoil me n yf de frenship...esp whn dey not involve n say tings which are not true jus base on some one sided tings...hmmx but nvm...most important now me n yf ok le la...i got my dearest mei mei back...haha wil treasure our frenship even more de...now i noe wadeva muz CLARIFY 1st...hey u heard dat sis??haha...nvm..hmmx now she happy wif s***n la...well all i can say is make up ur mind lor...dun let tings happen again...heex all the best la k??muackx!!

hmmx haha ok i noe dis is a really long blog but i really got too many tings to sae le...ok i noe some of u guys wanna noe wads goin on btween me n tuan...ok erm ya i tink can say la...we not stead...really...stil in considering stage la...oh ya another ting i wanna clarify is dat dis whole ting goin on btween me n tuan is definitely AFTER me n yf de misunderstandin...all happened after me n yf ok liao...hmmx i tink yf minds leh...haix i dunno...i guess dats the biggest obstruction i hav ba..altho she say dat she's ok wif it n wish me all the best...somehow i can sense dat bit of jealousy la...well i dunno y oso but can sense she lyk got dis bit of minding me n tuan lor..hmmx i dunno...i jus feel...if she mind den i wun stead wif tuan ba...cos how she feel means alot to me ba..hmmx dunno la...i tel tuan abt dis le...den ask him gimme more time...i stil need to consider...actually all dat i worry abt got 90% he assure me liao...so i tink its stil abt myslf lor...hmmx u ppl tink i shld???

ok lastly...haha finally rite??ya lastly...erm yvon ah??y u angry wif me ah...me dunno wad happen leh...i only noe u angry until yf tell me today leh...she tel me say u angry cos i shot a airball???hmmx sounds a bit dortx dortx...ok nvm but i really dunno wad happen la...cos i really feel me nv do anyth wrong la...if shootin an airball oso got wrong den i nth to say liao lor...hmmx anyway jus wanna tel u dat me nt angry wif u or wad la...i jus wan noe y u reactin lidat??kkx nvm...dun angry la...cos really nth to angry abt...heex cheer up k??

2004-06-03T00:14:00.000-07:00

testing testing... ...